Of things thrown in the air

THE RULES
a. Write something about 15 different people.
b. You can NOT say who they are.
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

1. One time I thought I'm starting to have a crush on you. But no, I just feel very protective of you, that's all. I hope you don't take it any other way. You're like a sister to me.

2. You are my mother away from home. O sige na, sister na rin. Puwede ring girlfriend if the need arises. :P But you will always be my best friend, kebs kung 'yan nga ang turing natin sa isa't isa. Pwede ring Life Partner. Nyahahaha! Tara, pakasal na tayo. Chos.

3. I'd have to admit, I'm sad that we're not as close as we've been before, especially because *feelings* got in the way of our friendship. *sigh* This'd have to be one of my biggest regrets, but I still appreciate what we have right now.

4. Apparently, I'm still not over you. I may put up a front that I'm strong and happy but deep inside, it still hurts. Nevertheless, I'm prepared to take on the pain, because "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "love is a battlefield. Go get some scars." Or for a more jologs version, "you've made me stronger by breaking my heart." I'm tired pretending I'm okay when I'm really not, so I'm gonna let myself become the vulnerable one by admitting that I think of you from time to time and it makes me sad over and over again. ;-(

5. You've just proven that this friendship will last more than a lifetime. I know you left ahead of your scheduled time and it made me sad but please do know that I completely understand. This is it, I hope this is the beginning of your return to happiness. I love you. =)

6. Sometimes I wish I could be as blunt about it and push you hard enough to make you want to leave him, because he's not worth it. I understand that true love waits but it's one thing to wait for something you know is coming and another to look like a fool waiting for something you're not even sure is gonna come.

7. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me have butterflies in my stomach. But I'm not sure what this is, where this is going, or if it's going anywhere at all. Sigh, I don't know what to do about you... I'm afraid to cause harm on you or whatever. Nakakatakot kang prospect, sa totoo lang. And that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

8. I've given up on you. Maybe in another time and place... not in Facebook. :P

9. Alam mo, sayang ka. You could've been a great friend if you weren't so full of yourself. At ngayon, ewan ko na kung nasa'n ka o kung ano nang nangyari sa'yo. Tsk tsk tsk...

10. Oo, totoo ang issue sa isang Yahoo Groups kung sa'n member tayong dalawa, crush nga kita. HAHAHAHA. Okay? Pero duh, imposible naman. Nacu-cute-an lang ako sayo, yun lang. :p

11. Kahit natalo ka sa eleksyon, I'm super duper proud of you. Sana magkakwentuhan tayo ng life story soon, I'm sure you're a very interesting person, and I'm curious to know what's on your mind.

12. IKAW. Umamin ka na kasi! Alam ko namang mahal mo rin ang friend ko. At putangina mahal na mahal ka rin niya. Ewan ko kung manhid ka lang ba o ano, pero wala talaga akong alam. Maging kayo na kasi!

13. Alam ko madalas kitang inaasar at ikaw rin, madalas mo'kong inaalaska. Pero I want to give you a big, big hug right now, not only because napakalaki mo, but also because I know you need one right now. *BIG HUG*

14. Isa ka na yata sa mga pinaka-nagpatawa sa'kin sa loob ng tatlong buwan. Sayang nga lang at gagraduate na'ko... *sigh* Nevertheless, thanks for giving this lonely boy a big smile on his face whenever you crack a joke or criticize another person. :P

15. Ang hirap, hirap, hirap mong basahin. Pero sana maging close pa tayo. Although mukhang malabo. X-(

Question

One fateful night, while on the brink of sleeping, twisted comfortably on a sofa chair, the inevitable happened.  I was looking out a friend's window, trying to push myself off the cliff of sleep after a day filled with euphoria, when a sudden but relevant thought entered my mind.  I knew, at one point or another, I had to ask myself that question, but I simply didn't expect it to come at such a mundane time.

Tao ba o feeling?  I asked myself.  It was my one measuring stick in gauging my affections for a certain person.  If it's Tao, then this person is worth pursuing, because the mere essence of that person's being is the reason for all the butterflies I'm feeling in my stomach.  If it's Feeling, then at once I know that whatever we have is fleeting and shallow, because all that person makes me do is be happy about the feeling I feel when we're together, and not the whole embodiment of the other being.

Of course this little "test," if you may call it that, is not mutually exclusive.  Just because someone started out as a Feeling doesn't mean that she can't turn out to be a Tao after a while.  But this measure is useful for me, because I know, hard as it may to find a Tao out there, I know I'm never gonna be comfortable settling for someone who's a Feeling.  Sure, the kilig and the smiles and the happy crushes are fun, but I'm really not one to settle for anything that's short-term.  And feelings, as we all know, are bound to dissipate.  After the feelings have gone, what will remain?  The Tao, on the other hand, no matter what feelings you feel for her, will always remain there, as a Tao.  So long as she exists, the Tao in her will exist.  No matter what Feeling you feel, no matter how many times it has changed, gone, and come back again, the Tao in her would never change.

Of course, the real challenge is not really in determining if a person is a Tao or a Feeling.  Just spend a few days talking to that person and for sure, you'll know the answer right away.  What's harder, though, is finding a Tao, because you'd have to sift through all the Feelings in order to find the Tao.  And you know how hard tha can turn out to be.

So, this new "flame," you ask, is it a Tao or a Feeling?  Definitely a Feeling.  But, just as always, I'm not closing any doors.  =)

Centrum Complete Reprazehnt!

Dinekwat ko mula sa napakabait na bata na si Jobanbanban:

The Letter A
Are you available?: Now available!  Comes in three variants.  For dry hair, split ends, and damaged hair!  Bili na!
What is your age?: Twenny.  But but but, age is a social construct, keri.  I'm actually 13.
What annoys you?: Piattos that won't open.  >_<

The Letter B
Do you live in a big house?: Define big.  If big is bigger than a UP classroom, then our house is big, yeah.  If big means bigger than me, then DOH OUR HOUSE IS BIG.
When is your birthday?: July 29 somethinsomethin
Who is your best friend?: Haynako napakadiscriminatory ng tanong na'to.  *whispers* IAhh ahnd Ehlsieh!

The Letter C
What's your favorite candy?: Viva!  Do they still make these?  They come in orange wrappers, and they're colored brown.
Who's your crush?: YUNOH.  Sadly, I know a trick question when I see it.  :P
When was the last time you cried?: Kahapon lang.
 
The Letter D
Do you daydream?: Hmmm, tuwing umaga lang.  Bawal sa gabi eh.
What's your favorite kind of dog?: si behbeh ko lang!  Isa syang crossbreed ng poodle at lassa apso.  bow.
What day of the week is it?: Technically Thursday.  WOOT ALLITERATION

The Letter E
How do you like your eggs?: oval and white
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yeah, number of times.  But firsthand, only once, when I had influenza.
What's the easiest thing ever to do?: Sleeeeeeeeeepppp.  Except for Craig David.  'Cause he can't sleep 'til you're next to me.
 
The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yep, Just Once.  Can We Figure Out What We Keep Doing Wrong.
Do you use fly swatters?: Uso pa ba yun?  Ang uso na ata yung electric fly swatter.  So yes, the answer is no.  Ano daw?
Have you ever used a foghorn?: ummm.  what is a foghorn?

The Letter G
Do you chew gum?: Ano pa gusto mo gawin ko sa gum?
Are you a giver or a taker?: Hmmm, give or take--giver.
Do you like gummy candies?: YUH UH
 
The Letter H
How are you?: I think I'm okay.  I think.  Therefore I am.  I am okay.  YEAH!  Wassap yoah
What color is your hair?: Black.  I like Black.  Black is Cool.

The Letter I
What's your favorite ice cream?: Quezo lang, bebeh koh
Have you ever ice skated?: AYYYY.  Bakit may ganyang tanong dito?!  =))  Nope, never.  :P
Do you play an instrument?: I used to play the piano.  But sadly, I don't know how anymore.  I can only play Mary Had A Little Lamb.  Wanna hear?
 
The Letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: HMMMMM.  Teka checheck ko muna sa supermarket.
Do you wear jewelry?: Used to wear a ring.  But not anymore... :)
 
The Letter K
Who do you want to kill?: TIME
Do you want kids?: As in batang kambing?  EAAWWW
Where did you go for kindergarten?: Sa San Felipe Neri Parochial School.  BOW.
 
The Letter L
Are you laid back?: Hmmm.  Nakasandal naman ako ngayon, yeah.
Do you lie?: YEAH!  Especially pag matutulog na, sarap mag-lie! :P
 
The Letter M
Whats your favorite movie?: You Changed My Life bebeh koh! :))
Do you still watch Disney movies?: High School Musical!  YEAAAHHH
Do you like mangoes?: Favorite ko shang i-shake.  :)
 
The Letter N
Do you have a nickname?: Yes.
What is your real name?: John Mark Tuazon
Whats your favorite number?: 7
Do you prefer night over day?: Hmmm yeah, 'cause I get to sleep at night :P
 
The Letter O
What's your one wish?: to find Love.  Chos!  Hahaha.  To be who I'm supposed to be.  Naaaks, parang Camp Rock lang.  This is real, this is me, I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be! :P
Are you an only child?: Sometimese I wish I was.  CHOS!  Nope, we're a brood of three.

The Letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: I'm brave.  I don't fear anything.  YOOON
What are your pet peeves?: Pretentious people
What's a personality trait you look for in people?: Sincerity.
 
The Letter Q

What's your favorite quote?: Ang hirap, ang hirap hirap.  (Curtis, 2008)
Are you quick to judge people?: I judge people, yes.  Ipokrito na lang ang magsasabing hindi.  But define quick.  :P
 
The Letter R
Do you think you're always right?: of course not!  Minsan naman left din ako noh :P
Are you the one to cry?: It depends on what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with.  AYYYY
 
The Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: NEITHER.  Mas gusto ko ang hangin lang--steadyng steady! :P
Do you like snow?: How are you supposed to like something you've never even seen or experienced? (cue I knew I loved you before I met you...)
What's your favorite season?: UAAP Season!  Or pwede ring Christmas season.  :P
 
The Letter T
What time is it?: 2:05 am
What time did you wake up?: 10am ata
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: Hmmm.  Nung Geog Camp.  Can't remember na when.  :P
 
The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?: SERIOUSLY
Underwear or boxers?: BUT boxers are underwears!  Is this a philosophical question?
 
The Letter V
What's the worst veggie?: AMPALAYAH ONLYYYY
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Londuhn!
 
The Letter W
What's your worst habit?: Biting my  nails
Where do you live?: Quezon City on Weekdays, Mandaluyong on Weekends.  Minsan New Manila rin on Friday and Saturday.  LOLz :P
What's your worst fear?: Of losing my sanity.  Wait.  What sanity? THE HOOORRROOORRRSSSS
 
The Letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Onaman.
Have you seen the x-games?: Hmmmmm.  Lemme think about it.
Do you own a xylophone?: Nung bata pa'ko.
 
The Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow?: AY OO NAMAN :P
What's one thing you yearn for? I yearn to fall in love with thee, My Lord!  CHOS.  I yearn for... a more stable life, a more mature perspective, and a generous employer.  :P
 
The Letter Z
Whats your zodiac sign?: Leo
Do you believe in the zodiac?: AYNAKO OO HELLO ASTROLIS.COM!  :P

It's a Beautiful Day :)

This is the view from my seat at Starbucks Technohub this afternoon.  The sun high up in the sky, the majestic water fountain reaching for the blue-hued horizon, cool and calm music playing in the background, serenading every corner of my juvenile mind.

I could only heave a sigh.  This is such a beautiful day!  I slept for eight hours, I had no urgent worries for tomorrow, my classes weren't boring, and I'm doing my best to be productive.  It's a beautiful day!

Days like these should be made to last.  But we all know that's not possible, right?  Regardless, I'll enjoy this beautiful day no matter how short it takes.

I'm happy.  =)

Maipagpag Lang

Typical me, in-abandon na naman ang blog.  Chos!  Hahaha.  Habit na nga ata 'to, yung sisimulan ang bagay, tas di na itutuloy.  "Lahat na lang ng bagay hindi ko tinatapos (Cansino, 2009)."

Heeeemingway, tama na ang ma-modang intro.  Blog ko toh bakit ba, at choice ko kung ia-update ko sya o hindi.

Gusto ko lang magpagpag ng emosyon ngayon, largely due to the UP Streetdance Concert I watched last night.  The concert was entitled "Crossroads," and as such, parang 'dun nag-revolve ang buong show, sa pagiging nasa gitna ng mga bagay-bagay, coming-of-age, maturity, existentialist angst, ganyan.

Speaking of angst, hindi ko talaga nagustuhan ang angst ng mga bagay-bagay sa concert kagabi.  I mean, it's bad enough (for me) na nagmukhang Trumpets play yung show, 'tas ginatungan pa ng isang segment na kung sa'n walang ginawa ang mga nag-perform kundi maglabas ng angst sa mundo.

"Hindi nyo ko pinapansin kahit pagod na pagod na 'ko sa 'skwela!"

"Ginagawa ko naman lahat ng gusto nyo, pero wala pa rin."

"Pagod na pagod na'ko!  Ayoko na!"

"Kelan ba ko makakapamili ng landas na gusto ko?"

"Palagi na lang tayong nag-aaway, kelan ba 'to titigil?"

YES, ano, Streetdance concert po ang pinuntahan ko, mga kaibigan, bago tayo malito lahat.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against what UP Streetdance did with their concert last night, and alam ko naman na parang Christian org na rin ang labas ng Club ngayon.  Sige, pwedeng factor rin na medyo non-believer ang stage ko ngayon, kaya siguro medyo I was thrown off-center because of some segments.  Pero ito talagang portion na paglalabas ng angst, hindi ko kinaya.

Okay lang sana kung siguro mga apat o lima ang nagsalita.  BUT NOOOO, lahat ata sila naglabas ng angst.  May mga umiiyak pa.  Mga trenta ata silang ganun, as in puro angst lang.  Again, don't get me wrong, alam kong lahat tayo may angst sa buhay, alam kong kailangan rin yan ng release.  Pero a streetdance concert?  Given, umaayon sya sa theme, pero hindi tamang venue!  Aaminin ko, na-turn off rin ako kasi alam kong angst ko rin yung mga pinagsasasabi nila, pero a Streetdance concert?  I certainly did not expect that, kaya ako ganito ka-disappointed ngayon.

Isa kasi sa mga natutunan ko sa counselling before is never to open any issues na hindi mo kayang isara.  Kung may taong nag-o-open-up sayo, or kung may gusto kang kausapin na tao about something, make sure that when you can open the can of worms you can close it too.  Provide resolutions, try to solve the problem, or at least make sense of all the angst.  BUT NOOOO, ito, walang resolution.  Parang distraction lang yung next few segments, pero hindi naman talaga na-resolve.  Ano lang ang in-offer? "When I joined Streetdance Club, nagbago ang buhay ko, naniwala ako sa Kanya."  Parang... WTH?!  O, yung mga angst, pano na?  Lingering na lang, ganon?

The whole show tuloy, sirang sira ang utak ko.  As in, ang sakit nya sa ulo.  Hindi na'ko naka-concentrate masyado sa kagalingan ng Streetdance na sumayaw.  Parang, every segment hinihintay ko na lang na i-close sana nila yung issues na yon.  Sobrang nega kasi eh!  Hindi magandang feeling sa audience.  I mean, fine, production nila yun, bahala sila kung anong gusto nilang gawin.  Pero you have an audience kasi eh, kung sila-sila lang yun keri lang.  Kung alam sana namin na may ganun, edi sana na-expect namin kahti papano, nakapag-adjust kami ng schema.  But nooo, gulatan ito 'te, ang hirap.  Ang hirap hirap (Curtis, 2008).

'Yun lang naman.  Naglalabas lang din ng angst.  And to close this issue, nais kong i-congratulate ang UP Streetdance for a job well done!  Kaya nyo namang ipalaganap sa mundo na mahal nyo ang diyos without being too explicit like that.  For all we know, there could be people of other religion sa audience, pano na sila?  Yun lang naman.  Alam kong hindi nyo responsibility ang i-account lahat ng audience, pero sana may effort man lang.  Medyo nakaka-alienate ang panonood nang ganon.  Yun lang po.

*Pasensya na po sa angst.  Again, I have nothing against UP Streetdance, show nila 'yun.  This is just a mere personal reaction as an audience member.  K?

Dahil ang Katotohanan ay overrated, magsinungaling na lang tayo lahat

1. Last beverage→ Re-fack-aged VIVA! Mineral Water
2. Last phone call→ Claire Jiao, last Wednesday
3. Last text message→ "Ah, okay. Si Keisha po." Keisha of UPJC, asking kung may rummageables daw ba 'ko. :P
4. Last song you listened to→ Last Dance, Donna Summer. Pina-download sa'kin ni IA, 'tas ang dinownload ko Just Dance ni Lady Gaga. WAHAHAHA PHAIL ANG PRIORITIES KO SA BUHAY
5. Last time you cried→ Last Wednesday, for a multitude of reasons

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? → onaman.
7. Been cheated on? → YES! YES! YEEEESSS! YEEEEHHHHSSS!!! (parang nag-oorgasm lang :P)
9. Lost someone special?→ Umaatikabong YES
10. Been depressed?→ Lots of times before
11. Been overseas? → Over seas lang, hindi overseas. :P

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Red
14. YELLER

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Ohyeah. New friends from ISA! Pagmamahal <3
16. Fallen out of love → Hmmmm. Going there...
17. Laughed until you cried → OO NAKO OO. Lalo na pag kasama ko sina IA at Elsie
18. Met someone who changed you→ Yes. Changed me so much I didn't recognize myself after
19. Found out who your true friends were→ YES!!! !!!
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ Hahaha oo, madalas mangyari sa'kin yan. :P
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ Hmmm. Beso lang ata, 'di kiss. :P

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ A vast majority of them
23. How many kids do you want to have→ WIT! Galit ako sa mga bata, keri.
24. Do you have any pets → Wala eh. Pero gusto ko sana magka-Marley
25. Do you want to change your name → Minsan oo. HAHAHAHA.
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ got really drunk with friends! And then almost got puked on by a stupid lil bitch :P
27. What time did you wake up today → 6am?
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Sleeping. :P Can I just say, ang loaded lang ng question na'to. :P
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → EARNING MY OWN KEEP!
30. Last time you saw your father → Last Sunday. He bought me barong and shoes and pants and shirt and belt. Taena na-pressure akong gumraduate waaaahhhh!
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I don't want to go back and change my mistakes, because they made me the person I am today. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ni Lucas kay Brooke sa One Tree Hill, "I’d try to appreciate the things I took for granted." HMEGAHNOHN
32. What are you listening to right now → I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. Nagpapractice si IA ng sayaw eh
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Hmmm. Oo nga noh.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → SAM JUAN

36. Whats your real name → Jesper Martin. Charot. John Mark.
37. Relationship Status → What relationship?
38. Zodiac sign→ Leo
39. Male or female→ Male
40. Natural Hair colour? → Black.
41. Hair color now → Black with hints of white :))
42. Pet Peeve → Little makukulit na kids. :P
43. Need Glasses? → Badly.
44. Long or short → Minsan I want long hair. Minsan I want short. :P
45. Height → 5'5"?

46. Do you have a crush on someone? → OO PUCHA
47. What do you like about yourself? → I'm judgmental. Oo like ko 'yun. At palaban ako keri. Pero minsan nice naman ako. In short, I like that I have multiple personality disorder. :P
48. Piercings → WIT
49. Tattoos → WIT DIN
50. Righty or lefty → righty.

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Hmm wala pa naman.
52. First piercing → Wala
53. First tattoo → Wala eh. Kahit henna nga siyet. Tattoo Virgin
54. First best friend → Sienna Angeli Salamat
55. First sport you joined → Games of the Generals. Hahaha sport ba yun? Volleyball.
56. First pet → Keempee, aso ng lola ko
57. First vacation → Subic ata. Or Laguna. Can't remember na eh.
59. First crush→ WEH. Asa ka naman matatandaan ko pa. Si Rachel ata nung kinder. (Haha labo :P)
60. First alcoholic drink→ San Mig Light na natapon ko pa kalahati ng contents sa pants ko. Ihi at beer amoy only!

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nothing
62. Wearing → Brown shirt and Jeans
63. I'm about to → answer this question. Charot
64. Speaking to → Elsie and IA
65. Waiting for → closure

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? → Not for now. Maybe never.
67. Want to get married? → Hindi rin. :P
68. Careers in mind? → Broadsheet/Magazine/Online

Journ

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses → HUUUGGSSS. I'm a hug person. Ang basa ng kiss eh. NYAHAHAHAHAHA
71. Shorter or taller → Taller naman. Short lang ako eh.
72. Older or Younger → Depende :P
73. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously Romantic. Or Romantically Spontaneous. Char
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → Nice stomach!!! Hahahaha.
75. Tattoos or piercings—> Neither.
76. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. Kasi sensitive rin ako eh. We'll sense each other. Charot! :P
77. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship, universe, please. RE. LA. TION. SHIP.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Mas gusto ko ang trouble maker. Hesitant na'ko eh. Na unti-unting nagiging trouble-maker. :P

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → Hindi pa.
80. Drank hard liquor → WOOOOHHHHH!!!
81. Lost glasses/contacts → Lost glasses. Several times before.
82. Sex on first date → MEH. I'm not that kinda guy, soree
83. Broken someone's heart → Yeah, inaamin ko.
84. Had your own heart broken → OO, NANG BENGGANG BENGGA
85. Been arrested?→ Haha. Hindi ako, pero yung kasama ko. Traffic violation.
86. Turned someone down → Hmmm nope. Wala namang nagkakagusto sa'kin eh. Drama onlyyyy
87. Cried when someone died → OO NAMAN NOH. Like, DUHHH
88. Liked a friend that is a girl → Eh oo naman.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Yes. Pero at times no.
90. Miracles → Yah
91. Love at first sight → Hmmm. Hindi rin.
92. Heaven → Oo pero not entirely. I like keeping my expectations low
93. Santa Claus → PWEDE BA
94. Kissing on the first date? → Keri naman. :P
95. Angels → OO. Favorite beings ko ang angels. Gusto ko ng pakpak!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Oo sana. Gusto ko siya i-comfort.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → HINDING HINDI KO GAGAWIN YAN, KERI.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?→ I don't believe in Forever anymore.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? → Pagmamahal. At friends. Kulet, one thing nga lang eehhh. Edi Mapagmahal na friends. :P
100. Posting this as 100 truth? → Ayoko nga, maling grammar.

Social Justice

I need Social Justice.  This culture of impunity, whether on the macro or micro level, should be extinguished.  People should never be able to get away with the wrong things they've done to other people.  This is precisely the reason why our country is in so much dirth right now.

ALYANSA, isa sa four pillars nyo yan diba?  Paki-bigay naman sakin ang social justice.  Estudyante pa rin naman ako ng UP hanggang March, keri?  Constituent pa rin ako.   Asahan ko yan.  ;) 

KTHXBAI