Aaminin Ko Na...

Pebrero na.  Panahon na naman ng Pag-Ibig.  At alam kong kagagaling ko lang sa isang sakit, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang pinipintig ng aking damdamin.  Matagal rin bago nagpaligoy-ligoy ang bagay na'to, pero walang dahilan para hindi pa harapin.

Oo, sige, aaminin ko na.  Pumasok na naman ako sa isang relasyon.  Akala ko hindi ko kaya, akala ko hindi dapat, pero wala akong magawa.  Ganun kalakas ang epekto niya sa'kin, ganun ako tinamaan sa kanya, na nakaya kong lampasan ang sakit na katatapos lang.  Akala ko hindi ko makakaya, akala ko pahahabain ko lang ang ilang-linggong taguan at ligawan, pero bibigay rin pala ako.  Mahina ako, at nakuha niya ako.

Aaminin ko rin, sandali pa lang kami, wala pa nga atang isang linggo, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kapag kinakausap ko siya, madalas hindi kami magkaintindihan.  Oo, marami kaming mga bagay na parehong gusto, pero madalas rin ang miscommunication.  Pero gaya ng natutunan ko sa nakaraan relasyon, normal lang naman 'yan.

Matagal na rin siyang nasa buhay ko, mag-iisang taon na.  Pero ngayon lang niya pinadama ang pagmamahal niya sa'kin, kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na noon pa man mahal ko na siya.  Oo, kahit meron pa akong ka-relasyon noon, pinagtutuunan ko na rin siya ng pansin.  Alam ko na rin sa sarili kong mahal ko siya.  Minsan naiisip kong mali, pero naiisip ko na lang, ano bang mali sa pagmamahal?

Sandali pa lang kami, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kumplikado ang sitwasyon namin, hindi ko maipaliwanag.  Kaya 'to.  Kakayanin.  Alam ko namang kahit anong mangyari, maganda ang kakalabasan ng relasyong 'to.  Handa kong pagtrabahuhan, dahil sa huli para sa ikalalago ko rin naman ito.

Mahal ko siya.  Minsan iniisip kong hindi, pero alam ko naman sa loob-loob mahal ko talaga siya.  Minsan naiisip ko rin kung mahal nga ba talaga niya ako.  Pero habang lumalaon ang araw pinapatunayan niya sa'kin na kahit mahirap ang sitwasyon namin, mahal niya talaga ako.

Mga friends, mga multiply contacts, mga mambabasa, gusto kong ipakilala sa inyo, si Timmy...



































...ang aking Time-Consuming Thesis.  1 week na kame!!!  Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kami tatagal, kung forever na ba talaga 'to, pero sana in two months' time break na kami, please Lord!  Ayoko nang patagalin pa!

Hehehehehehehe.

Home Invaders

There are squatters in our apartment right now, and even though we know our rights to our home is very much enshrined in the constitution, we're too frightened of the squatters to let them go.

It started the other night as I was silently working on my bed.  The squatter came in, stopped in front of me and stared me in the eye.  I froze.  I didn't know what to do, or why the squatter was there in my room.  I twitched my eye and the squatter scampered away.  I was too frozen to react.  I wanted to hurry off and chase the squatter, but I was nailed to my bed, too frightened to get out of it.

And then the squatter started to make weird noises, which disturbed us to no end.  It was banging the wall, running up and down the stairs and destroying our generally peaceful atmosphere.  I called my housemate and we both decided that we should drive the squatter away.  

But we both were too afraid of the squatter to do anything about it, so we let it be.

Last night when we arrived home, we found the rest of the squatter's family by the stairs--two of the children, obviously recently-born, lay on the steps, dead.  Yes, two children--DEAD.  We got the shock of our lives.  We didn't expect it.  It wasn't the kind of thing we expected to cap a very stressful day.

We had no choice but to clean up the mess. 

Last night, the parent of the dead children was nowhere to be found.  We figured he might have scampered off through the hole at the back of my housemate's dresser, where we first found him, gnawing on the wooden division, making squeaky sounds, and being the freaking huge freaking 8-inch rat that he is, probably the biggest one I ever saw in my life.

And now I'm eternally scared.  Or scarred.  Whichever comes first.  *ninuninuninuninuni*

If and If Only

If and If Only

If you were a ghost from my dark yesterday
If only yesterday's ghosts can be seen today

If you were a god watching over my life
If only a god can take away all strife

If you were a star sent to brighten the dark
If only the stars can send out a spark

If you were a dream that can never come true
If only my dreams are like fairy tales too

If you're a horizon that spreads through the sky
If only horizons paint anything but lies

If you were the wind brushing all through my face
If only the wind can take anyone's place

If you were a sweet angel sent right from above
If only the angels are capable of love

If you were a kiss, sweet, tender and mild
If only a kiss can make a man of a child

If you were a stranger wondering why I feel blue
If only all strangers can always get a clue

If you have not walked away from me that fast
If only I have found true love at last

You see, I wanted you to be everything you are to me
Bit I guess You And I were just not meant to be...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Last night I couldn't sleep because I downed a full cup of coffee, aware that it would make my mind hyperactive and restrain me from sleeping.  But I did it anyway.  I don't know why.

And so at 3am I lay by my bed, cellphone in hand, thoughts running wild.  I texted several people to check who was awake, but obviously nobody's bloody awake at 3 in the morning.  So I browsed my cellphone instead, and I found this very beautiful poem.

Now I believe that people from the past can send messages to people from the future.  I wrote this poem more than three years ago and stored it in my phone.  And now I read it as if I have just written it yesterday.  It has completely spoken to me, like no piece of literature has before.  At my most desolate time, at the most depressing time of the day, I read this, and I was comforted.

Thank you, JM of three years ago.  I wonder where those wonderful rhymes have gone.  I find this poem very beautiful because the first lines (If's) are very hopeful but the counter lines (If only's) echoes total defeat and surrender.  Very much what I'm feeling right now.

Straight to the heart.

This post is all about change

I’ve started jogging a few weeks back.  Somehow, I realized, I need to take care of myself.  Too many people have told me that I was fatter than the last time they saw me.  I decided it was time to do something about my sordid situation.  And so I started jogging.  It felt really good, finally being able to pamper and think of myself, for a change.  Jogging provides endorphins, which makes me really happy (yeah, I know, it’s my natural drug).  I haven’t felt more relieved or happy in a while.  Finally, I’m feeling good about myself again.  I tend to forget myself sometimes, but not anymore.

Consecutively, I’ve also started my no-rice diet.  For several years I’ve been used with it, but I decided it’s contributing too much to my weight but too little to my well-being.  It’s been three weeks.  I figured I can live my life perfectly well without it.

I also dumped soft drinks.  I thought I couldn’t live without it, but now I realize I could.  I only drink water or fruit juices now.  It’s a big change, but I like it, it makes me feel good about myself.

More significant changes in my life are coming, including job hunting and soul-searching for my future.

This is all too new for me.

FAKKK. Nakasuhan ako ng Libel. What'll I do??!

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Para hindi mo na itanong 'yan sa future kapag nakasuhan ka na, attend ka na ng forum namin!  Hahaha.  PUNTA KA DALI MAGUGULAT KA ATSAKA AKO GUMAWA NG PUBMAT OKAY SO KELANGAN PUMUNTA KA TALAGA SAYANG NAMAN PUBMAT KO.  =))  (mga concerns ko talaga sa buhay, hahahaynako!)

Atsaka bigatin lang naman mga panel speakers namin, yun lang naman.  No big deal.

The UP Journalism Club
(54 since '54!)

Presents


Suit of Cards: A Forum on Libel


January 29, 9 am to 12 pm

College of Mass Communication Auditorium

UP Diliman


Speakers:

Mr. Isagani Yambot - publisher of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

Ms. Marites Vitug - editor-in-chief of Newsbreak

Ms. Ellen Tordesillas - columnist for Malaya and Abante

Mr. Beting Dolor - editor-in-chief of Prime Asia

Atty. Harry Roque - chairperson of the Center for International Law

Mr. Abe Olandres - blogger (yugatech.com)


Early audience members stand a chance to win prizes

from the Center for Media Freedom and Responsibility.


For inquiries, contact Dyan Zarzuela

at 916-2138983 or dyanzarzuela@yahoo.com


See you there!

YES, NO, LET'S GO! Bumoto sa January 26-31!

Alam kong marami na ang nasabi tungkol sa SR Referendum na magaganap sa dulo ng buwan na 'to.  Nandiyan ang YES vote, na nais ipasa ang nakabinbing CRSRS para diumano masigurong ligtas ang OSR mula sa mga panlabas na impluwensya.  Nariyan rin ang NO vote, na nais amyendahan ang CRSRS para diumano maging mas demokratiko ang proseso ng pagpili ng SR.

YES, NO, YES, NO?  Anong pipiliin mo?  Pero bago ka pa man makagawa ng desisyon, sana piliin mo munang bumoto!  Alam kong magulo ang diskusyon ng magkabilang panig, pero huwag kang patitinag.  Importante ang boto mo, kesyo YES pa man yan o NO.  IKAW ang magpapasya ng kahahantungan ng Opisina ng Student Regent, at ng sang-ka-UP-han in general.  I know, it's a heavy task, but it's a chance we've got to take!

Pagbulay-bulayan mo, pag-isipan mo, pero huwag mong takasan, HARAPIN MO!  Kung ano pinipintig niyang organ sa dibdib mo, kung anong dinidikta ng kukote mo, yun ang sundin mo.  Naipresenta na ang parehong panig, ngayon, PANAHON NANG PUMILI!

WILL YOU VOTE YES OR NO?  But fundamentally, WILL YOU VOTE?  Sana YES, BUMOTO KA, Sana NO BACKING OUT.  Let's Go Isko!  Let's make our voices heard!

Alam kong totally unrelated ang kantang ito, pero wala lang, pampasaya ng mood natin, at para malaman nating everything will work out just fine!  (MEEEGANONNN!)

WORKS FOR ME
David Archuleta

Yeah, yeah, mmmmm
No I won't make up my mind
I'm too good at wastin' time
And I know that life is unpredictable
Just never know what I will find

Am I gonna stay, oh no
Am I gonna leave, I don't think so
I guess I can define me as that kinda guy
Maybe it's a big mistake
But baby that's the chance that I'll take

Chorus:

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine
If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

I can't forget the things you said
Your words keep running through my head
And I know you're just trying to help me out
Thanks, but I'll follow my heart instead

Am I gonna stay, oh no
Am I gonna leave, I don't think so
I can't decide between the left side or the right
Maybe it's a big mistake
But baby that's the chance that I'll take, Oh Yeah!

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine

If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

Bridge:

There were days when a song could not be found
There were days when my voice would make no sound for me, for me
But I don't worry about it where I'm goin'
'cause I know just where I'm wanna be
And it's time for you to see

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine

If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

------------------------------

See you sa polling booths next week, ISKO!  =)

Walang Araw, Walang Ulan

It feels good to feel kilig again.

I can't remember the last time I felt this kind of "high."

Jogging sa Acad Oval, na sobrang ewan lang nahimatay na ko for a split second sa lahat ng na-witness ko.

Endorphins overdose.  You!  I don't know, I keep on tripping on my words.  Once was good, Twice was better, Thrice was... you very well may be the reason I fainted right then and there.  ARGH.

And You!  Goodness.  Where do I even begin??!  You give me kilig-seizure like no other!  Admiring you from afar was heavenly.  Seeing you close?  UGH ECSTASY!  MYGAHD.

This is MY night.  Best part of all, not any of it was planned.

Destiny?  Serendipity?  Coincidence?

Love.

It feels good to be smiling again.  Smiling for selfish reasons.  Feels like my heart is being tickled by a thousand babies!  Haaayyyy...

Sarap!  *slurp* Hahahahaha...

Pag-ibig ay bubuhos din
'Yan ang pangako ng hangin

Lumulutang
Lumulutang
Lumulutang
Sa hanging 'pag ikaw ang nariyan

Hinihipan
Hinihipan
Hinihipan
Lumalayo na ang nakaraan

Ulan ay sulit hintayin
Baka ikaw ay aamin
Kaya't kahit walang ulan
May ibang hiwaga rin
'Tong hangin lang...

Walang araw, walang ulan
Walang araw, walang ulan
Lulutang muna sa kilig
At lalapag sa pag-ibig
Lulutang muna sa kilig
Bago lumapag sa pag-ibig
Kaya't hangga't walang ulan
Halika't magpahangin lang
Walang araw, walang ulan...

-Walang araw, walang ulan by Jimmy Bondoc
from his new EP/Album of the same title

*Thanks IA and Elsie for bearing with my incredibly high spirits.  You guys are love!  <3
*Sa lahat ng nag-worry sa'kin, pasensya na.  Okay lang ako, don't worry.  Masayang-masaya.  =)