Dahil ang Katotohanan ay overrated, magsinungaling na lang tayo lahat

1. Last beverage→ Re-fack-aged VIVA! Mineral Water
2. Last phone call→ Claire Jiao, last Wednesday
3. Last text message→ "Ah, okay. Si Keisha po." Keisha of UPJC, asking kung may rummageables daw ba 'ko. :P
4. Last song you listened to→ Last Dance, Donna Summer. Pina-download sa'kin ni IA, 'tas ang dinownload ko Just Dance ni Lady Gaga. WAHAHAHA PHAIL ANG PRIORITIES KO SA BUHAY
5. Last time you cried→ Last Wednesday, for a multitude of reasons

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? → onaman.
7. Been cheated on? → YES! YES! YEEEESSS! YEEEEHHHHSSS!!! (parang nag-oorgasm lang :P)
9. Lost someone special?→ Umaatikabong YES
10. Been depressed?→ Lots of times before
11. Been overseas? → Over seas lang, hindi overseas. :P

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Red
14. YELLER

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Ohyeah. New friends from ISA! Pagmamahal <3
16. Fallen out of love → Hmmmm. Going there...
17. Laughed until you cried → OO NAKO OO. Lalo na pag kasama ko sina IA at Elsie
18. Met someone who changed you→ Yes. Changed me so much I didn't recognize myself after
19. Found out who your true friends were→ YES!!! !!!
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ Hahaha oo, madalas mangyari sa'kin yan. :P
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ Hmmm. Beso lang ata, 'di kiss. :P

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ A vast majority of them
23. How many kids do you want to have→ WIT! Galit ako sa mga bata, keri.
24. Do you have any pets → Wala eh. Pero gusto ko sana magka-Marley
25. Do you want to change your name → Minsan oo. HAHAHAHA.
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ got really drunk with friends! And then almost got puked on by a stupid lil bitch :P
27. What time did you wake up today → 6am?
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Sleeping. :P Can I just say, ang loaded lang ng question na'to. :P
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → EARNING MY OWN KEEP!
30. Last time you saw your father → Last Sunday. He bought me barong and shoes and pants and shirt and belt. Taena na-pressure akong gumraduate waaaahhhh!
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I don't want to go back and change my mistakes, because they made me the person I am today. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ni Lucas kay Brooke sa One Tree Hill, "I’d try to appreciate the things I took for granted." HMEGAHNOHN
32. What are you listening to right now → I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. Nagpapractice si IA ng sayaw eh
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Hmmm. Oo nga noh.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → SAM JUAN

36. Whats your real name → Jesper Martin. Charot. John Mark.
37. Relationship Status → What relationship?
38. Zodiac sign→ Leo
39. Male or female→ Male
40. Natural Hair colour? → Black.
41. Hair color now → Black with hints of white :))
42. Pet Peeve → Little makukulit na kids. :P
43. Need Glasses? → Badly.
44. Long or short → Minsan I want long hair. Minsan I want short. :P
45. Height → 5'5"?

46. Do you have a crush on someone? → OO PUCHA
47. What do you like about yourself? → I'm judgmental. Oo like ko 'yun. At palaban ako keri. Pero minsan nice naman ako. In short, I like that I have multiple personality disorder. :P
48. Piercings → WIT
49. Tattoos → WIT DIN
50. Righty or lefty → righty.

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Hmm wala pa naman.
52. First piercing → Wala
53. First tattoo → Wala eh. Kahit henna nga siyet. Tattoo Virgin
54. First best friend → Sienna Angeli Salamat
55. First sport you joined → Games of the Generals. Hahaha sport ba yun? Volleyball.
56. First pet → Keempee, aso ng lola ko
57. First vacation → Subic ata. Or Laguna. Can't remember na eh.
59. First crush→ WEH. Asa ka naman matatandaan ko pa. Si Rachel ata nung kinder. (Haha labo :P)
60. First alcoholic drink→ San Mig Light na natapon ko pa kalahati ng contents sa pants ko. Ihi at beer amoy only!

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nothing
62. Wearing → Brown shirt and Jeans
63. I'm about to → answer this question. Charot
64. Speaking to → Elsie and IA
65. Waiting for → closure

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? → Not for now. Maybe never.
67. Want to get married? → Hindi rin. :P
68. Careers in mind? → Broadsheet/Magazine/Online

Journ

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses → HUUUGGSSS. I'm a hug person. Ang basa ng kiss eh. NYAHAHAHAHAHA
71. Shorter or taller → Taller naman. Short lang ako eh.
72. Older or Younger → Depende :P
73. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously Romantic. Or Romantically Spontaneous. Char
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → Nice stomach!!! Hahahaha.
75. Tattoos or piercings—> Neither.
76. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. Kasi sensitive rin ako eh. We'll sense each other. Charot! :P
77. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship, universe, please. RE. LA. TION. SHIP.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Mas gusto ko ang trouble maker. Hesitant na'ko eh. Na unti-unting nagiging trouble-maker. :P

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → Hindi pa.
80. Drank hard liquor → WOOOOHHHHH!!!
81. Lost glasses/contacts → Lost glasses. Several times before.
82. Sex on first date → MEH. I'm not that kinda guy, soree
83. Broken someone's heart → Yeah, inaamin ko.
84. Had your own heart broken → OO, NANG BENGGANG BENGGA
85. Been arrested?→ Haha. Hindi ako, pero yung kasama ko. Traffic violation.
86. Turned someone down → Hmmm nope. Wala namang nagkakagusto sa'kin eh. Drama onlyyyy
87. Cried when someone died → OO NAMAN NOH. Like, DUHHH
88. Liked a friend that is a girl → Eh oo naman.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Yes. Pero at times no.
90. Miracles → Yah
91. Love at first sight → Hmmm. Hindi rin.
92. Heaven → Oo pero not entirely. I like keeping my expectations low
93. Santa Claus → PWEDE BA
94. Kissing on the first date? → Keri naman. :P
95. Angels → OO. Favorite beings ko ang angels. Gusto ko ng pakpak!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Oo sana. Gusto ko siya i-comfort.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → HINDING HINDI KO GAGAWIN YAN, KERI.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?→ I don't believe in Forever anymore.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? → Pagmamahal. At friends. Kulet, one thing nga lang eehhh. Edi Mapagmahal na friends. :P
100. Posting this as 100 truth? → Ayoko nga, maling grammar.

Social Justice

I need Social Justice.  This culture of impunity, whether on the macro or micro level, should be extinguished.  People should never be able to get away with the wrong things they've done to other people.  This is precisely the reason why our country is in so much dirth right now.

ALYANSA, isa sa four pillars nyo yan diba?  Paki-bigay naman sakin ang social justice.  Estudyante pa rin naman ako ng UP hanggang March, keri?  Constituent pa rin ako.   Asahan ko yan.  ;) 

KTHXBAI

Do silver clouds have silver linings?

I don't know if you've had a relative die already, but I have, thrice over, and I know the feeling when you bury your dead and you go back to your house and you ask yourself, "what now?"

'Cause that's exactly what I feel right now.  What now?  It's like pieces of me exploded all over the place and I may try best as I could to pick up everything, I know I can't get all the pieces back together.

It's just so unthinkable how one person is capable of such evil.  And the irony is, that one person is the one person you've loved all these years.

I've been skeptic.  I've been cynic.  But now I don't know which to believe anymore, or if I should believe at all--is there a god?  What love?  Hello, universe?  Nihilism at its finest.

Literary narratives almost always have a twist.  Now I'm wondering where the hell is the twist in this one.

I'm sorry for the vagueness.  Kasi tangina isa yun sa pinakamasakit, 'yung wasak na wasak ka na pero hindi mo masabi sa buong mundo ang dahilan, kaya 'di ka nila naiiintindihan, kaya walang masyadong dumadamay sa'yo.  Tangina, kung pwede ko lang sabihin lahat-lahat, ginawa ko na.

='(

February 23

Today is February 23.  There is nothing special about today.

But today I shall stop being bitter.  February 23 is not a special day, but stopping bitterness doesn't need a special day, it just needs a special will with which to concentrate.  I have been bitter for so long, yes, even if it's only two months--yes, two months is too long to spend on bitterness.  The sweetness of life is waiting in the corner, ready to be slurped and sucked up to let the vibrant colors of life escape.

I'm a zealous person.  Zealous, not jealous.  I may have been jealous the past few days but that will be over now.  Because today I shall stop being bitter, today I shall close the bitter corner of my tongue and open the other corners for all the world to see.  And the world shall taste the sweetness that is my life, because it is no longer bitter as it used to be.

I shall take charge of my life, and I wholeheartedly account for the bitterness that is the past two months.  I take responsibility for all the actions, words, and yes, even videos this bitterness made me do or say.  Two years of happiness doesn't deserve even a month's worth of bitterness.  It's easier said than done but I'll say it anyway because everything starts when we make that first statement--I'm happy that I've been part of your life for a little over two years.  I'm happy, yes, even if I looked and sounded depressed or sad the past few days; that's just me re-adjusting to this new phase we're in right now.  But consider this: I'm happy, I've been happy, and I shall be happy again, even if you are not by my side, even if I can't cuddle in your arms anymore.  You've made me happy, and I'm thankful for that.  Now you are happy, and I have no right to be bitter about it.  I've loved you all these years, endured all the hurts we've caused each other; I don't think it takes a special kind of effort to be happy for you.

Even if it hurts.

So I guess this is goodbye, then... but you see, even in my writing I can't help but make it longer by putting an ellipsis.  It's just so freaking hard to put a period to this, so I won't, because I may still see you in the future, but the two years won't stand between us anymore, only this, only you, only me, and I hope we both will be happy when that time comes.

I love you. I guess I always will...

@__@ OMG, may lalala pa pala kay Chris Ng sa pagsuka ng cuss words

@__@  Yun lang.  Sumakit ang puso ko dito, seriously.  I've never heard so much cursing in my entire life.  I think the next person who curses me will cause my eventual death.  OMG.  Warning lang before you watch this vid, nakamamatay!

KARYOKABUCHI Productions present: "Ma'am, Peram Shorts!"

Isang short film halaw sa mga karanasan namin as Lian, Batangas.  Echos!  Haha.  Heto po ang napala namin sa isang araw ng field trip sa Lian, Batangas for our MS1 class.  ANG SAYA GRABE GUSTO KO ULIT MAG-SNORKELING, Keri?  Anyway, watch the vid!

*Again I apologize for the poor quality of the video.  Hindi ako perfect, keri?  :P

I HOPE YOU TWO DIE IN HELL YOU LYING FUCKING BITCHES!!!

TANGINA NYO MAY BLOWING HEARTS PA KAYONG NALALAMAN.  PAKYU BETCH.  TANGINA MO LUIS GAGO KA!!!  TANGINA MO GINO MAMATAY KA NA!!!

Isang pamilyar na GPOA (o, kopyahan ba kamo ang labanan?)

Hindi ako film critic. Hindi malawak ang knowledge ko sa pag-analyze ng pelikula (hamak na Film 100 at Film 104 lang po ang natapos ko!), at lalong hindi pa ganun karami ang napanood kong Filipino films.  Pero isa akong fan, at hindi mawawaglit sa utak ko ang isa sa mga pinaka-nagmarkang linya sa mundo ng pelikulang Pilipino: "You're nothing / but a second-rate / trying-hard / COPYCAT!" (which actually goes back to the famous line's nature of copying dahil ilang milyong beses na nga bang nagaya ang linyang ito?)

Aaminin ko, hindi rin ako champion sa analysis.  Madalas sa klase ako 'yung pinakahuling nakaka-gets sa isang teorya o eksplanasyon.  Pero magaling naman ako mag-observe, madali naman 'yun eh.  And lately, may napansin lang ako, anoh.

*Click the image for a larger view

EXHIBIT A - ISA General Program of Action (Released Feb. 10, 2009)


EXHIBIT B - STAND-UP CMC General and Specific Program of Action (Released Feb. 16, 2009)



Hahayaan ko na lang ang mga mambabasa na humusga, kasi lahat naman tayo marunong bumasa (and I believe hindi kailangan ng in-depth study and analysis para ma-notice ang similarities).

Granted, walang monopolyo ang isang partido sa mga ideya.  Granted, pare-pareho tayong matatalino at ano nga ba naman ang chances na magkakapareho tayo ng mga naiiisip, 'di nga ba?  Granted, walang copyright ang mga programang ito, no matter how original or innovative they may seem.

Aaminin ko, and I'll say it categorically, ako ang gumawa ng avatar ng ISA (na papikit-pikit at nakakalurlur!  haha).  At, aaminin ko,  visual peg ko ang "Defend the OSR!" avatar ni G. Karl Castro (salamat po sa inspiration!).  I'll own up to that action, regardless if it's offending or otherwise to some people.  Ang tanong, how willing is STAND-UP CMC to own up to this action?  I can only venture a guess.

At this point I would like to raise a personal issue against one of their programs, in Journ specifically.  This year they have in their SPOA a "better" version of Coffee Write, entitled Coffee Write Up (Keri!).  Last year, my ISA Journ Rep partner (Pat) and I thought of a program to give exposure to other fields of journalism that are not being given proper light in the Journ curriculum.  We initially thought of a forum, but we thought that to make the conversation and learning lighter and better, the best environment would be a "kapihan."  Thus, we called it "Kapihan with Journalists."

Obviously, Pat and I lost, and we thought hindi na maisasakatuparan ang project.  But no, obviously, tinuloy ng nanalong Journ Reps ang project namin na ito.  Granted, I should feel happy na isa sa mga dream projects namin for Journ ay nag-materialize.  Granted, dapat matuwa pa 'ko kasi may initiative sila to do the project.  Granted, maganda na may ganitong mga projects sa Journ.

However, It is one thing to do another's project in the essence of leadership but it is another thing to grab another's idea and pass it off as yours.  Hindi na lang ako nag-react when I first found out kasi wala namang issue sa'kin 'yun, pero to put it back in their SPOA and for them to claim it as theirs, wow, that's just unjustifiable.

Heto lang naman eh: kung "Band-Aid" solutions, as they so eagerly call it, ang programang inihahandog ng ISA, bakit pilit itong ginagaya ng STAND-UP CMC?

And FYI, that's a RHETORICAL QUESTION.

UNA sa PROYEKTO
UNA sa SERBISYO
Dahil sa ISA, Number 1 KAYO!
ISA para sa ISANG CMC!

Tao o Feeling?

Isang gabi, hindi ako makatulog, napaisip ako.  Namimiss nga ba talaga kita?  Inisip ko 'yung mga bagay na namimiss ko tuwing magkasama tayo.  Inisa-isa ko silang lahat.  At napagtanto ko na hindi na kita namimiss.  Kasi ang namimiss ko ay 'yung mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa'kin, ang namimiss ko ay 'yung fact at yung reality na meron akong kasamang maglakbay sa buhay.  Ikaw, bilang tao, hindi ko na namimiss.  Pero ang sayang nadudulot mo sa'kin, 'yon, tangina, miss na miss ko na.

Ano ba'ng namimiss ko, 'yung feeling o 'yung tao?  'Yung feeling, definitely.  And hangga't naghahanap lang ako ng taong pupuno sa feeling na 'yon, alam ko, hindi 'yun ang taong mamahalin ko.  Kasi dapat ang hinahanap ko 'yung tao, hindi lang 'yung feeling.  Maraming makakapagbigay ng feeling na 'yon, pero iilan lang ang taong alam mong mamahalin mo.

Sa araw ng mga puso...

May matagal nang lumisan.
May dumating ngunit kinailangang lumisan.
May hindi naman dumating ngunit lumisan pa rin.
          At may wala nang inaasahang darating.

Sa puso ko.

Na punong-puno ng pag-ibig.

Kalahating pagmamahal

        Ngunit kalahating muhi.

            Sangkapat ng tamis.
Pero pangkalahata'y pait.

Kailan ba lilisan
                    ang diwa ko
Sa ilalim ng payong ng paghihintay
    At mapapadpad sa isla ng kalayaan

                                             At kaligayahan?

Someday I'll be over you...
As soon as my heart stops breaking
And tears are fading.

Psychology of the Heart

In Psychology there is what is called Conditioning, which can be classified into two:  Classical and Operant.

Classical Conditioning deals largely with pairing a certain stimulus with a naturally-occurring response to achieve a desired effect.  For example, a guy calls his girlfriend every 8 o clock in the evening every single day.  The girl, after some time, will be conditioned to believe that her phone shall ring at 8 o clock every day and her boyfriend would always be on the other line.

Operant Conditioning, on the other hand, deals mostly with consequences of action, where reinforcement, whether positive or negative, takes place.  It happens when the guy fails to call his girlfriend at 8 o clock in the evening and the girl starts wondering why.  She investigates, looks up every nook and cranny of her boyfriend's life, and finds out that the guy is cheating on her.  Breaking up with her booyfriend is justifiable, and this is considered punishment for the guy because of his nasty deeds.

There is also what is called Extinction, which leads to expulsion of behavior.  It happens when the conditioned stimulus is not anymore paired with the naturally-occurring response, thereby killing the achieved effect.  It is when the girl goes on with her life, dealing with the break-up, and eventually having the strength to live outside the memory of her past relationship, ready to move to the next Classical Conditioning phase.

So screw me for being such a geek!  This proves, however, that I'm learning something from my Psych class after all.  =P

I leave you all with this little message na socially-relevant sa collapse ng pre-need companies lately:

"Ang Lovelife ko ngayon ay parang Legacy: puro Self-Dealing."

Yun na!  Goodnight.

Aaminin Ko Na...

Pebrero na.  Panahon na naman ng Pag-Ibig.  At alam kong kagagaling ko lang sa isang sakit, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang pinipintig ng aking damdamin.  Matagal rin bago nagpaligoy-ligoy ang bagay na'to, pero walang dahilan para hindi pa harapin.

Oo, sige, aaminin ko na.  Pumasok na naman ako sa isang relasyon.  Akala ko hindi ko kaya, akala ko hindi dapat, pero wala akong magawa.  Ganun kalakas ang epekto niya sa'kin, ganun ako tinamaan sa kanya, na nakaya kong lampasan ang sakit na katatapos lang.  Akala ko hindi ko makakaya, akala ko pahahabain ko lang ang ilang-linggong taguan at ligawan, pero bibigay rin pala ako.  Mahina ako, at nakuha niya ako.

Aaminin ko rin, sandali pa lang kami, wala pa nga atang isang linggo, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kapag kinakausap ko siya, madalas hindi kami magkaintindihan.  Oo, marami kaming mga bagay na parehong gusto, pero madalas rin ang miscommunication.  Pero gaya ng natutunan ko sa nakaraan relasyon, normal lang naman 'yan.

Matagal na rin siyang nasa buhay ko, mag-iisang taon na.  Pero ngayon lang niya pinadama ang pagmamahal niya sa'kin, kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na noon pa man mahal ko na siya.  Oo, kahit meron pa akong ka-relasyon noon, pinagtutuunan ko na rin siya ng pansin.  Alam ko na rin sa sarili kong mahal ko siya.  Minsan naiisip kong mali, pero naiisip ko na lang, ano bang mali sa pagmamahal?

Sandali pa lang kami, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kumplikado ang sitwasyon namin, hindi ko maipaliwanag.  Kaya 'to.  Kakayanin.  Alam ko namang kahit anong mangyari, maganda ang kakalabasan ng relasyong 'to.  Handa kong pagtrabahuhan, dahil sa huli para sa ikalalago ko rin naman ito.

Mahal ko siya.  Minsan iniisip kong hindi, pero alam ko naman sa loob-loob mahal ko talaga siya.  Minsan naiisip ko rin kung mahal nga ba talaga niya ako.  Pero habang lumalaon ang araw pinapatunayan niya sa'kin na kahit mahirap ang sitwasyon namin, mahal niya talaga ako.

Mga friends, mga multiply contacts, mga mambabasa, gusto kong ipakilala sa inyo, si Timmy...



































...ang aking Time-Consuming Thesis.  1 week na kame!!!  Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kami tatagal, kung forever na ba talaga 'to, pero sana in two months' time break na kami, please Lord!  Ayoko nang patagalin pa!

Hehehehehehehe.