This is partly why the world thinks we’re stupid

Every Filipino book lover out there should read the column by Manolo Quezon III, published today at the Philippine Daily Inquirer, citing an article by Robert Hemley, the director of the University of Iowa’s Nonfiction Writing Program, who’s in the Philippines on a Guggenheim Fellowship.

Here are some excerpts which basically talk about the issue, but I encourage you to read the whole column to understand its context:

According to Hemley, the situation developed this way. Stephenie Meyer’s novel “Twilight” apparently did so well in the bookstores that the number of copies being imported attracted the attention of a Customs official. Examiner Rene Agulan decreed that duties be paid. It seems that the importer of the book reacted in a manner familiar to most book lovers in the country: to eliminate the hassle, the importer complied with the Customs levy on the title.

Hemley says surrendering to the authorities was a mistake because the Philippines, back in 1952, became a signatory to the Florence Agreement, a United Nations treaty that mandates the tax-free importation of books in order to facilitate the free flow of “educational, scientific, and cultural materials.” The importer’s submission to the whims of Customs whetted the Bureau’s appetite; they put a squeeze on all book importations by air. The result? For two months virtually no imported books entered the country.

Yet another reason to hate Twilight?  Yes.  But the problem is so much larger than a mere teen fad gone wrong.  If there’s any reason for the Philippines and its citizens to become the world’s laughing stock, it is not our domestic helpers, or our diploma mills, or our attempts at ousting a rotting President; it is this, the corruption that is eating up the very cores of our bureaucracy.

Tariff on books?  Seriously?  How stupid can our officials get, really?  Clearly they are bent on turning everyone into mindless zombies in order to get away with their wrongdoings.  They would even go the extra mile of interpreting the rules to their favor, even to the point of repealing a 50-year collective understanding under an international agreement and bending the rules of grammar itself!

Seriously.  My stomach’s turning upside down simply reading how these selfish customs bureacrats even have the guts to consider levying book importation.  I get all that tax measures bullcrap but come on!  It’s not as if you can consider books an even commodity with t-shirts, or, say, gadgets and perfumes.  Is this government even aware of the concept of cultural capital?!

I remember a National Bookstore ad campaign quoting Jerry Seinfeld saying, “A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.”  With this recent move by the customs department, our nation, who, by the way, ranks very low in Math and Science comprehension among Asian nations, and who’s got little to nil cultural capital, is definitely going to the dogs.

That is obviously one for the books.

A penny for your thoughts?

So... syempre euphoric ang gabing ito but someone just had to douse the feeling off.  Heard from the grapevine that the RGEP System is being evaluated after producing 12 Summa cum Laudes in 2007, 15 last year and 18 this year (considered the post-implementation graduates, approx. 4-5 years after RGEP was implemented in 2002).  Apparently students are able to go around the system na daw because of RGEP, which enables students to choose classes and profs that give high grades.

While the basis for this assumption holds water, I believe there are other factors that have to be considered.  Sure, you can easily get a one in, say, Geog1 and MS1, but what are the odds that you'd actually get into those classes, right?  Sobrang taas ng demand ng mga class na 'yan.  Factors like that.

I actually don't know what to think, pero ang masasabi ko lang, taon-taon ko na naririnig 'to, na nag-de-deteriorate daw ang "quality" ng graduates ng UP compared before.  Kaya sobrang dami ang naproproduce na cum, magna at summa.  Actually ina-anticipate ko na na may magsasabi nito sa batch ko, kaya medyo di na'ko ganun ka-affected.

Nagpapagpag lang.  Kayo, ano sa tingin niyo sa RGEP at Summa "correlation"?

FTW comment at the grad practice yesterday.

(While showing her photos of Bebeh, my new pup)

Micah:  So... nag-resort ka na ngayon sa aso?
(pertaining to my recovery from a recent heartbreak)

HAHAHAHAHA.  Aylaveht!  Grabe, na-miss kita Miss Sulit!  Only true words from a true friend.  ;)  Pero totoo naman, aminado naman ako dun.  Dumating naman talaga ang Bebeh ko sa panahong kailangang kailangan ko siya.  And I can say this with all pride and dignity:  he rescued me.  And I couldn't be more thankful.  =)

Cute namen no?

Photo Blog

*cross-posted from my LJ ;)

Got this Photo Meme from Anna on Facebook, and it was just too good and interesting to pass up, so here it is!  Enjoy!  Do it too if you want.  :)

1. a picture of you in your room.

Circa 2005!  Haha.  I don’t have my own room, so I guess this photo taken on our communal area at the second floor of our house would do.

2. a picture of someone you don't really like.

Hmmm… nandyan siya/sila somewhere, bahala na kayo maghanap.  LOL

3. a picture of you very drunk.

HAHAHA.  I originally didn’t want to post this photo, but nothing else pretty much comes close to the words “very drunk” than this.

4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.

With special guest Micah.  Haha.  This birthday is the best and the worst ever!  LOL.  Hahaha.  And I bet maaga pa itong pic na’to, ‘di pa ko mapula eh!

5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

I don’t know where my baby photos are, so here’s the earliest photo I could find.  Taken around 2003/2004, when I had my first webcam ever thanks to two good friends.

6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

LOL.  I just dig the preppy/call-center look.  Hahahaha.

7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

Goofy Face ba kamo?

8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.

In-edit ko lang naman para magmukha akong maputi.  Hahahaha.

9. a picture of a night you regret.

Not this particular event, though, but whatever preceded it.  And, well, sige, some parts of this na rin bilang I gave up Boracay moments for this.  Hahaha.

10. a picture of you being truly yourself.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I can only be my truest self when I’m around these two girls.  They know me straight through my bone marrow!  (Betches, this was taken nung nanood tayo ng Team B game sa San Beda, nang medyo sabaw na tayo kina Horkheimer, Marx at Jurgen Habermas!  Remember?!)

11. the most recent picture of you.

Hindi naman ako hayok sa beer niyan?  INOM EASTER ONLY

12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

Grabe, napaghahalatang tanggero ako ah!

13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.

Nang gulatin ko si IA at Elsie with my “Summer Haircut” that’s a snip and a razor away from being a semi-kalbo.  Hahaha.

14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.

Need I say more?

15. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is

Studying, but definitely not schooling.  ;)

16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy.

Fun times with friends at Mimosa, Pampanga.  But deep inside was another story.

17. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

Obvious bang hindi ko alam?

18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.

19. a picture of you with someone you love

Hindi lang halata pero Mama’s Boy talaga ako.  :P

20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

JOWK LAAAANNNGGG!!!  Eto talaga:

21. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.

What better way to spend every day than to love and be loved in return? :D

22. a picture of a time when everything was changing

Last official day of classes in UP… ;(

23. a picture that makes your head hurt.

DEFINE HEADACHE

24. a picture that makes your heart smile.

Very Rare Ito.  =)

25. A picture of one of the best days/nights of your life

Every day/night spent with these two girls is considered the best of my life.  But this one pretty much takes the cake, and the icing too! :D

What was 2008?

Taken last December 2008, a very rare time when all three of us were genuinely happy

I have this weird yet very common penchant for naming things—my laptop is Joaqs, my sunglasses is Shids, my phone used to be called Bruno, my abaniko is Laura Belle and my eyeglasses is aptly named Tito Boy.  When I get my hands on an MP3 player I’d name her Peyton, and when I get a new phone its name will be Dharma.

They say that when you name something—or someone, just in case—you claim possession of it.  The “thing” changes from being a mere “thing” to being “your thing.”  Names bring a special attachment to whichever it is accorded to, making it stand out from the rest.

Recently I was browsing my blog’s archives, trying to see how much I’ve changed over the years.  And unwittingly, I stumbled upon an old habit I wasn’t able to practice this year—naming the years that have passed.  I remember doing it every year in time for my New Year yearend blog recap, punctuating the nostalgic trip down memory lane by baptizing the year that passed with an umbrella word that captures its very essence.

I remember 2004 was The Year of Discovery.  I hold no solid proof of that statement, but memory should serve me right this time.  I was well out of high school for the latter part of 2004, and so the prospects of a new environment could only provide new perspectives for such a juvenile mind.  That I was admitted to the University of the Philippines made a great deal out of these “discoveries” that I had, no matter how minute or monumental they were.

2005 was The Year of the Two.  This one is a bit hard to explain without revealing too much information, but let’s just say that this year, I learned about the many dualities that exist and continue to exist in our world today—love/hate, up/down, male/female, those kinds of things.

I can vaguely recall what the name for 2006 was, but I know I had a name for that year somewhere.  I made a mere mention of the idea in one blog post, but silly me for not dropping the name there (and subsequently, for forgetting to put it in a future post):

Anyhoo, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! The days are cold again and you always end up wondering, where the heck has the year gone? It has passed by so quickly. Parang kelan lang, maliliit pa tayong mga bata… hehehe… But seriously, this year has gone so fast. I now have an idea what to name this year (2004: Year of Discovery; 2005: Year of the Two). Of course, that’ll come in another post.

[UPDATE:  2006 was The Year of Change!  LOL.  I’ve recently unearthed a past blog entry bearing that name.  And now I remember why it’s the year of the change—so many new things happened to my life that year.  New friendships, old ones rekindled, and, dare I say it?  A new love.  Also, major turning points in my life also happened, especially involving my now-struggling faith.]

There was no other name to call 2007 but The Year of the Risk.  I was at the crux of deciding for my college life at this point, debating whether to stay with Journalism or to shift out to Psych.  Moving out of the Mandaluyong house also proved to be a major event.  On the other hand, I also took a lot of risks, love wise.  And I know I can say all those risks have eventually paid off.

2007, I believe, would be aptly named The Year of the Risk–for all the times I had to leave my comfort zone, for all the time I had to take on a challenge, for all the times I took a leap of faith (and times I fell, and times I rose from falling), and for all the times I took a chance… this year, it was definitely worth taking risks, for I’ve reaped many rewards because of it.

And now I just learned that I have not named 2008 anything—for a number of reasons.  One, I was not bent on doing a yearend post for last year, and I admit it’s due to the incredible chore the habit had become through the years.  I can also say that nothing quite eventful meritted the name-tagging, or the yearend reporting, but that’s just me making a sordid excuse out of it, because one can never run out of exciting things happening in his life.  In any case, I’ve pondered and thought quite hard about it, and I resolve that 2008 deserves no other fancy schamnzy name than…

…The Year of Love.  Yes, it may not be the most romantic year for me.  It may not be the time when we were feeling so young and carefree and more than willing to ditch it all for love.  It may not be the most memorable point in my love life, nor the most feet-sweeping, sparks-flying phase in our relationship, but I have to say that this year, I have learned to love the way it should have always been—real, humble and down to earth.  None of those cutesy stuff seen on TV, they certainly have nothing on the love I gave and experienced last year.  Last year, I have found and wholeheartedly accepted what it meant to love, and to be loved, and that, I shall always treasure.

That I have lost my love towards the end of last year doesn’t run contradictory to what I’ve just said.  In fact, it complements the reality of the love I have seen, because as we all know, love also dies—it fades, it withers away, it lets go of one’s hands when the universe tells it to be so.  And to accept that fact and to live by it—despite  the longing, the pain, and the loneliness that comes with it—is still, in my book, an unending testament to what love really is.

Congratulations on making it to the end of this blog post.  Want more of my emo shit?  Help yourself to generous servings at my LJ--http://jmtuazon.livejournal.com.  Be warned, though, only the strong at heart can endure the melodrama that is my life ;)  You have been warned!

And oh, FML

Isang taos-pusong pasasalamat...

I was aware that despite all the interviews I had to transcribe, the laws I had to analyze, the incidents I had to narrate, nothing is harder than writing the acknowledgments part of one's thesis.

To me, this page pretty much sums up the experience of writing the thesis: of late overnights with friends, of lending hands (full of money, of course!) in times of financial constraints, of conversations over coffee regarding the latest frustration with one's research.  There is a reason the thesis is the culminating requirement for every course--because it likewise culminates one's experience of four (or more) gruelling years in college.

So to those who have made it to the point of writing this page, kudos to all of you!  I had a blast writing this part, especially because it is one of the few parts in the thesis where emo-ness is at least tolerated (although the guidebook instructs me to keep it professional; since when have I been an avid fan of rules, anyway?!:P)  I ask indulgence to those whom I may have forgotten to say a word of thanks through this page; the guidebook was strict in saying that it should be kept to a page at best.  Nevertheless, to all those who've helped me with my thesis, I really, really appreciate it!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

            This thesis would not have been possible without the available help and generous support of the following people:

            First, my parents who were very understanding of my late-night bouts with research and excessive requests for extra allowance.  Without their support I wouldn’t have survived writing this research.

            Second, to my dear Chururus, the group of friends who supported me with every endeavour:  Janina, Elsie, Bea, April, Celia, Agatha, Kam, Dyan, Jen and Dan, I shall never forget all our laughing trips and camwhore moments.  You made my last sem in college a truly remarkable one.  On to more smiles and long-hour trips!

            Third, to the two most beautiful girls in my life, IA and Elsie.  We might be seen as couples from time to time but we don’t care.  You two have become my sisters and life partners, mothers and companions, girlfriends and friends.  You have been everything to me, and I owe what I am now to you.  You have supported me all throughout my ordeals and breakups, scolded me when I was going astray but supported me whenever I break down.  I know it’s not possible to live forever so I’m simply hoping that this friendship is for life.  You two are for keeps!

            And lastly, to Sam Juan, to that one person who is actually the reason why I chose this topic for my thesis, thank you.  Thank you for breaking my heart at the most opportune time, for it made me stronger and helped me focus on things that I never knew were more important.  Many people are satisfied with dedicating their theses to their significant others, but I went the extra mile and made a topic out of the two things you and I are good at—I with blogging, and you with Law.  You will always be in my heart, no matter how painful that could be.

And here's what's written on my dedication page...

Ang sarap mag-emo sa thesis, grabe!!!  Baggage kung baggage lang!  =))

There's the Jaw-Dropping. And then there's the Charming.

We were peacefully working through our final requirements at Shakey's E.Rod yesterday when IA's harmonious existence was disturbed by a guy who suddenly passed by our table.  She gave this very weird look, much like her jaw dropping, while a finger carefully nudges her temples, signaling headache.

Anyway, I guess it's better seen than read.  So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... the CHARMING POSE:

Noticing what IA herself noticed, Els decided to join in on the fun.



And of course, will I let myself be left out?  Hahaha.  Here's my failed attempt at the Charming Pose only IA could so wonderfully project:



Elsie was shocked by my tenacity to even attempt.



And then the guy left, so naturally, IA and Elsie were sad.  Oh well!



DISCLAIMER:  events portrayed in this blog post may or may not have happened in real life.  =P

Of things thrown in the air

THE RULES
a. Write something about 15 different people.
b. You can NOT say who they are.
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

1. One time I thought I'm starting to have a crush on you. But no, I just feel very protective of you, that's all. I hope you don't take it any other way. You're like a sister to me.

2. You are my mother away from home. O sige na, sister na rin. Puwede ring girlfriend if the need arises. :P But you will always be my best friend, kebs kung 'yan nga ang turing natin sa isa't isa. Pwede ring Life Partner. Nyahahaha! Tara, pakasal na tayo. Chos.

3. I'd have to admit, I'm sad that we're not as close as we've been before, especially because *feelings* got in the way of our friendship. *sigh* This'd have to be one of my biggest regrets, but I still appreciate what we have right now.

4. Apparently, I'm still not over you. I may put up a front that I'm strong and happy but deep inside, it still hurts. Nevertheless, I'm prepared to take on the pain, because "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "love is a battlefield. Go get some scars." Or for a more jologs version, "you've made me stronger by breaking my heart." I'm tired pretending I'm okay when I'm really not, so I'm gonna let myself become the vulnerable one by admitting that I think of you from time to time and it makes me sad over and over again. ;-(

5. You've just proven that this friendship will last more than a lifetime. I know you left ahead of your scheduled time and it made me sad but please do know that I completely understand. This is it, I hope this is the beginning of your return to happiness. I love you. =)

6. Sometimes I wish I could be as blunt about it and push you hard enough to make you want to leave him, because he's not worth it. I understand that true love waits but it's one thing to wait for something you know is coming and another to look like a fool waiting for something you're not even sure is gonna come.

7. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me have butterflies in my stomach. But I'm not sure what this is, where this is going, or if it's going anywhere at all. Sigh, I don't know what to do about you... I'm afraid to cause harm on you or whatever. Nakakatakot kang prospect, sa totoo lang. And that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

8. I've given up on you. Maybe in another time and place... not in Facebook. :P

9. Alam mo, sayang ka. You could've been a great friend if you weren't so full of yourself. At ngayon, ewan ko na kung nasa'n ka o kung ano nang nangyari sa'yo. Tsk tsk tsk...

10. Oo, totoo ang issue sa isang Yahoo Groups kung sa'n member tayong dalawa, crush nga kita. HAHAHAHA. Okay? Pero duh, imposible naman. Nacu-cute-an lang ako sayo, yun lang. :p

11. Kahit natalo ka sa eleksyon, I'm super duper proud of you. Sana magkakwentuhan tayo ng life story soon, I'm sure you're a very interesting person, and I'm curious to know what's on your mind.

12. IKAW. Umamin ka na kasi! Alam ko namang mahal mo rin ang friend ko. At putangina mahal na mahal ka rin niya. Ewan ko kung manhid ka lang ba o ano, pero wala talaga akong alam. Maging kayo na kasi!

13. Alam ko madalas kitang inaasar at ikaw rin, madalas mo'kong inaalaska. Pero I want to give you a big, big hug right now, not only because napakalaki mo, but also because I know you need one right now. *BIG HUG*

14. Isa ka na yata sa mga pinaka-nagpatawa sa'kin sa loob ng tatlong buwan. Sayang nga lang at gagraduate na'ko... *sigh* Nevertheless, thanks for giving this lonely boy a big smile on his face whenever you crack a joke or criticize another person. :P

15. Ang hirap, hirap, hirap mong basahin. Pero sana maging close pa tayo. Although mukhang malabo. X-(

Question

One fateful night, while on the brink of sleeping, twisted comfortably on a sofa chair, the inevitable happened.  I was looking out a friend's window, trying to push myself off the cliff of sleep after a day filled with euphoria, when a sudden but relevant thought entered my mind.  I knew, at one point or another, I had to ask myself that question, but I simply didn't expect it to come at such a mundane time.

Tao ba o feeling?  I asked myself.  It was my one measuring stick in gauging my affections for a certain person.  If it's Tao, then this person is worth pursuing, because the mere essence of that person's being is the reason for all the butterflies I'm feeling in my stomach.  If it's Feeling, then at once I know that whatever we have is fleeting and shallow, because all that person makes me do is be happy about the feeling I feel when we're together, and not the whole embodiment of the other being.

Of course this little "test," if you may call it that, is not mutually exclusive.  Just because someone started out as a Feeling doesn't mean that she can't turn out to be a Tao after a while.  But this measure is useful for me, because I know, hard as it may to find a Tao out there, I know I'm never gonna be comfortable settling for someone who's a Feeling.  Sure, the kilig and the smiles and the happy crushes are fun, but I'm really not one to settle for anything that's short-term.  And feelings, as we all know, are bound to dissipate.  After the feelings have gone, what will remain?  The Tao, on the other hand, no matter what feelings you feel for her, will always remain there, as a Tao.  So long as she exists, the Tao in her will exist.  No matter what Feeling you feel, no matter how many times it has changed, gone, and come back again, the Tao in her would never change.

Of course, the real challenge is not really in determining if a person is a Tao or a Feeling.  Just spend a few days talking to that person and for sure, you'll know the answer right away.  What's harder, though, is finding a Tao, because you'd have to sift through all the Feelings in order to find the Tao.  And you know how hard tha can turn out to be.

So, this new "flame," you ask, is it a Tao or a Feeling?  Definitely a Feeling.  But, just as always, I'm not closing any doors.  =)

Centrum Complete Reprazehnt!

Dinekwat ko mula sa napakabait na bata na si Jobanbanban:

The Letter A
Are you available?: Now available!  Comes in three variants.  For dry hair, split ends, and damaged hair!  Bili na!
What is your age?: Twenny.  But but but, age is a social construct, keri.  I'm actually 13.
What annoys you?: Piattos that won't open.  >_<

The Letter B
Do you live in a big house?: Define big.  If big is bigger than a UP classroom, then our house is big, yeah.  If big means bigger than me, then DOH OUR HOUSE IS BIG.
When is your birthday?: July 29 somethinsomethin
Who is your best friend?: Haynako napakadiscriminatory ng tanong na'to.  *whispers* IAhh ahnd Ehlsieh!

The Letter C
What's your favorite candy?: Viva!  Do they still make these?  They come in orange wrappers, and they're colored brown.
Who's your crush?: YUNOH.  Sadly, I know a trick question when I see it.  :P
When was the last time you cried?: Kahapon lang.
 
The Letter D
Do you daydream?: Hmmm, tuwing umaga lang.  Bawal sa gabi eh.
What's your favorite kind of dog?: si behbeh ko lang!  Isa syang crossbreed ng poodle at lassa apso.  bow.
What day of the week is it?: Technically Thursday.  WOOT ALLITERATION

The Letter E
How do you like your eggs?: oval and white
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yeah, number of times.  But firsthand, only once, when I had influenza.
What's the easiest thing ever to do?: Sleeeeeeeeeepppp.  Except for Craig David.  'Cause he can't sleep 'til you're next to me.
 
The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yep, Just Once.  Can We Figure Out What We Keep Doing Wrong.
Do you use fly swatters?: Uso pa ba yun?  Ang uso na ata yung electric fly swatter.  So yes, the answer is no.  Ano daw?
Have you ever used a foghorn?: ummm.  what is a foghorn?

The Letter G
Do you chew gum?: Ano pa gusto mo gawin ko sa gum?
Are you a giver or a taker?: Hmmm, give or take--giver.
Do you like gummy candies?: YUH UH
 
The Letter H
How are you?: I think I'm okay.  I think.  Therefore I am.  I am okay.  YEAH!  Wassap yoah
What color is your hair?: Black.  I like Black.  Black is Cool.

The Letter I
What's your favorite ice cream?: Quezo lang, bebeh koh
Have you ever ice skated?: AYYYY.  Bakit may ganyang tanong dito?!  =))  Nope, never.  :P
Do you play an instrument?: I used to play the piano.  But sadly, I don't know how anymore.  I can only play Mary Had A Little Lamb.  Wanna hear?
 
The Letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: HMMMMM.  Teka checheck ko muna sa supermarket.
Do you wear jewelry?: Used to wear a ring.  But not anymore... :)
 
The Letter K
Who do you want to kill?: TIME
Do you want kids?: As in batang kambing?  EAAWWW
Where did you go for kindergarten?: Sa San Felipe Neri Parochial School.  BOW.
 
The Letter L
Are you laid back?: Hmmm.  Nakasandal naman ako ngayon, yeah.
Do you lie?: YEAH!  Especially pag matutulog na, sarap mag-lie! :P
 
The Letter M
Whats your favorite movie?: You Changed My Life bebeh koh! :))
Do you still watch Disney movies?: High School Musical!  YEAAAHHH
Do you like mangoes?: Favorite ko shang i-shake.  :)
 
The Letter N
Do you have a nickname?: Yes.
What is your real name?: John Mark Tuazon
Whats your favorite number?: 7
Do you prefer night over day?: Hmmm yeah, 'cause I get to sleep at night :P
 
The Letter O
What's your one wish?: to find Love.  Chos!  Hahaha.  To be who I'm supposed to be.  Naaaks, parang Camp Rock lang.  This is real, this is me, I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be! :P
Are you an only child?: Sometimese I wish I was.  CHOS!  Nope, we're a brood of three.

The Letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: I'm brave.  I don't fear anything.  YOOON
What are your pet peeves?: Pretentious people
What's a personality trait you look for in people?: Sincerity.
 
The Letter Q

What's your favorite quote?: Ang hirap, ang hirap hirap.  (Curtis, 2008)
Are you quick to judge people?: I judge people, yes.  Ipokrito na lang ang magsasabing hindi.  But define quick.  :P
 
The Letter R
Do you think you're always right?: of course not!  Minsan naman left din ako noh :P
Are you the one to cry?: It depends on what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with.  AYYYY
 
The Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: NEITHER.  Mas gusto ko ang hangin lang--steadyng steady! :P
Do you like snow?: How are you supposed to like something you've never even seen or experienced? (cue I knew I loved you before I met you...)
What's your favorite season?: UAAP Season!  Or pwede ring Christmas season.  :P
 
The Letter T
What time is it?: 2:05 am
What time did you wake up?: 10am ata
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: Hmmm.  Nung Geog Camp.  Can't remember na when.  :P
 
The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?: SERIOUSLY
Underwear or boxers?: BUT boxers are underwears!  Is this a philosophical question?
 
The Letter V
What's the worst veggie?: AMPALAYAH ONLYYYY
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Londuhn!
 
The Letter W
What's your worst habit?: Biting my  nails
Where do you live?: Quezon City on Weekdays, Mandaluyong on Weekends.  Minsan New Manila rin on Friday and Saturday.  LOLz :P
What's your worst fear?: Of losing my sanity.  Wait.  What sanity? THE HOOORRROOORRRSSSS
 
The Letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Onaman.
Have you seen the x-games?: Hmmmmm.  Lemme think about it.
Do you own a xylophone?: Nung bata pa'ko.
 
The Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow?: AY OO NAMAN :P
What's one thing you yearn for? I yearn to fall in love with thee, My Lord!  CHOS.  I yearn for... a more stable life, a more mature perspective, and a generous employer.  :P
 
The Letter Z
Whats your zodiac sign?: Leo
Do you believe in the zodiac?: AYNAKO OO HELLO ASTROLIS.COM!  :P

It's a Beautiful Day :)

This is the view from my seat at Starbucks Technohub this afternoon.  The sun high up in the sky, the majestic water fountain reaching for the blue-hued horizon, cool and calm music playing in the background, serenading every corner of my juvenile mind.

I could only heave a sigh.  This is such a beautiful day!  I slept for eight hours, I had no urgent worries for tomorrow, my classes weren't boring, and I'm doing my best to be productive.  It's a beautiful day!

Days like these should be made to last.  But we all know that's not possible, right?  Regardless, I'll enjoy this beautiful day no matter how short it takes.

I'm happy.  =)

Maipagpag Lang

Typical me, in-abandon na naman ang blog.  Chos!  Hahaha.  Habit na nga ata 'to, yung sisimulan ang bagay, tas di na itutuloy.  "Lahat na lang ng bagay hindi ko tinatapos (Cansino, 2009)."

Heeeemingway, tama na ang ma-modang intro.  Blog ko toh bakit ba, at choice ko kung ia-update ko sya o hindi.

Gusto ko lang magpagpag ng emosyon ngayon, largely due to the UP Streetdance Concert I watched last night.  The concert was entitled "Crossroads," and as such, parang 'dun nag-revolve ang buong show, sa pagiging nasa gitna ng mga bagay-bagay, coming-of-age, maturity, existentialist angst, ganyan.

Speaking of angst, hindi ko talaga nagustuhan ang angst ng mga bagay-bagay sa concert kagabi.  I mean, it's bad enough (for me) na nagmukhang Trumpets play yung show, 'tas ginatungan pa ng isang segment na kung sa'n walang ginawa ang mga nag-perform kundi maglabas ng angst sa mundo.

"Hindi nyo ko pinapansin kahit pagod na pagod na 'ko sa 'skwela!"

"Ginagawa ko naman lahat ng gusto nyo, pero wala pa rin."

"Pagod na pagod na'ko!  Ayoko na!"

"Kelan ba ko makakapamili ng landas na gusto ko?"

"Palagi na lang tayong nag-aaway, kelan ba 'to titigil?"

YES, ano, Streetdance concert po ang pinuntahan ko, mga kaibigan, bago tayo malito lahat.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against what UP Streetdance did with their concert last night, and alam ko naman na parang Christian org na rin ang labas ng Club ngayon.  Sige, pwedeng factor rin na medyo non-believer ang stage ko ngayon, kaya siguro medyo I was thrown off-center because of some segments.  Pero ito talagang portion na paglalabas ng angst, hindi ko kinaya.

Okay lang sana kung siguro mga apat o lima ang nagsalita.  BUT NOOOO, lahat ata sila naglabas ng angst.  May mga umiiyak pa.  Mga trenta ata silang ganun, as in puro angst lang.  Again, don't get me wrong, alam kong lahat tayo may angst sa buhay, alam kong kailangan rin yan ng release.  Pero a streetdance concert?  Given, umaayon sya sa theme, pero hindi tamang venue!  Aaminin ko, na-turn off rin ako kasi alam kong angst ko rin yung mga pinagsasasabi nila, pero a Streetdance concert?  I certainly did not expect that, kaya ako ganito ka-disappointed ngayon.

Isa kasi sa mga natutunan ko sa counselling before is never to open any issues na hindi mo kayang isara.  Kung may taong nag-o-open-up sayo, or kung may gusto kang kausapin na tao about something, make sure that when you can open the can of worms you can close it too.  Provide resolutions, try to solve the problem, or at least make sense of all the angst.  BUT NOOOO, ito, walang resolution.  Parang distraction lang yung next few segments, pero hindi naman talaga na-resolve.  Ano lang ang in-offer? "When I joined Streetdance Club, nagbago ang buhay ko, naniwala ako sa Kanya."  Parang... WTH?!  O, yung mga angst, pano na?  Lingering na lang, ganon?

The whole show tuloy, sirang sira ang utak ko.  As in, ang sakit nya sa ulo.  Hindi na'ko naka-concentrate masyado sa kagalingan ng Streetdance na sumayaw.  Parang, every segment hinihintay ko na lang na i-close sana nila yung issues na yon.  Sobrang nega kasi eh!  Hindi magandang feeling sa audience.  I mean, fine, production nila yun, bahala sila kung anong gusto nilang gawin.  Pero you have an audience kasi eh, kung sila-sila lang yun keri lang.  Kung alam sana namin na may ganun, edi sana na-expect namin kahti papano, nakapag-adjust kami ng schema.  But nooo, gulatan ito 'te, ang hirap.  Ang hirap hirap (Curtis, 2008).

'Yun lang naman.  Naglalabas lang din ng angst.  And to close this issue, nais kong i-congratulate ang UP Streetdance for a job well done!  Kaya nyo namang ipalaganap sa mundo na mahal nyo ang diyos without being too explicit like that.  For all we know, there could be people of other religion sa audience, pano na sila?  Yun lang naman.  Alam kong hindi nyo responsibility ang i-account lahat ng audience, pero sana may effort man lang.  Medyo nakaka-alienate ang panonood nang ganon.  Yun lang po.

*Pasensya na po sa angst.  Again, I have nothing against UP Streetdance, show nila 'yun.  This is just a mere personal reaction as an audience member.  K?

Dahil ang Katotohanan ay overrated, magsinungaling na lang tayo lahat

1. Last beverage→ Re-fack-aged VIVA! Mineral Water
2. Last phone call→ Claire Jiao, last Wednesday
3. Last text message→ "Ah, okay. Si Keisha po." Keisha of UPJC, asking kung may rummageables daw ba 'ko. :P
4. Last song you listened to→ Last Dance, Donna Summer. Pina-download sa'kin ni IA, 'tas ang dinownload ko Just Dance ni Lady Gaga. WAHAHAHA PHAIL ANG PRIORITIES KO SA BUHAY
5. Last time you cried→ Last Wednesday, for a multitude of reasons

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? → onaman.
7. Been cheated on? → YES! YES! YEEEESSS! YEEEEHHHHSSS!!! (parang nag-oorgasm lang :P)
9. Lost someone special?→ Umaatikabong YES
10. Been depressed?→ Lots of times before
11. Been overseas? → Over seas lang, hindi overseas. :P

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Red
14. YELLER

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Ohyeah. New friends from ISA! Pagmamahal <3
16. Fallen out of love → Hmmmm. Going there...
17. Laughed until you cried → OO NAKO OO. Lalo na pag kasama ko sina IA at Elsie
18. Met someone who changed you→ Yes. Changed me so much I didn't recognize myself after
19. Found out who your true friends were→ YES!!! !!!
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ Hahaha oo, madalas mangyari sa'kin yan. :P
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ Hmmm. Beso lang ata, 'di kiss. :P

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ A vast majority of them
23. How many kids do you want to have→ WIT! Galit ako sa mga bata, keri.
24. Do you have any pets → Wala eh. Pero gusto ko sana magka-Marley
25. Do you want to change your name → Minsan oo. HAHAHAHA.
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ got really drunk with friends! And then almost got puked on by a stupid lil bitch :P
27. What time did you wake up today → 6am?
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Sleeping. :P Can I just say, ang loaded lang ng question na'to. :P
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → EARNING MY OWN KEEP!
30. Last time you saw your father → Last Sunday. He bought me barong and shoes and pants and shirt and belt. Taena na-pressure akong gumraduate waaaahhhh!
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I don't want to go back and change my mistakes, because they made me the person I am today. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ni Lucas kay Brooke sa One Tree Hill, "I’d try to appreciate the things I took for granted." HMEGAHNOHN
32. What are you listening to right now → I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. Nagpapractice si IA ng sayaw eh
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Hmmm. Oo nga noh.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → SAM JUAN

36. Whats your real name → Jesper Martin. Charot. John Mark.
37. Relationship Status → What relationship?
38. Zodiac sign→ Leo
39. Male or female→ Male
40. Natural Hair colour? → Black.
41. Hair color now → Black with hints of white :))
42. Pet Peeve → Little makukulit na kids. :P
43. Need Glasses? → Badly.
44. Long or short → Minsan I want long hair. Minsan I want short. :P
45. Height → 5'5"?

46. Do you have a crush on someone? → OO PUCHA
47. What do you like about yourself? → I'm judgmental. Oo like ko 'yun. At palaban ako keri. Pero minsan nice naman ako. In short, I like that I have multiple personality disorder. :P
48. Piercings → WIT
49. Tattoos → WIT DIN
50. Righty or lefty → righty.

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Hmm wala pa naman.
52. First piercing → Wala
53. First tattoo → Wala eh. Kahit henna nga siyet. Tattoo Virgin
54. First best friend → Sienna Angeli Salamat
55. First sport you joined → Games of the Generals. Hahaha sport ba yun? Volleyball.
56. First pet → Keempee, aso ng lola ko
57. First vacation → Subic ata. Or Laguna. Can't remember na eh.
59. First crush→ WEH. Asa ka naman matatandaan ko pa. Si Rachel ata nung kinder. (Haha labo :P)
60. First alcoholic drink→ San Mig Light na natapon ko pa kalahati ng contents sa pants ko. Ihi at beer amoy only!

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nothing
62. Wearing → Brown shirt and Jeans
63. I'm about to → answer this question. Charot
64. Speaking to → Elsie and IA
65. Waiting for → closure

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? → Not for now. Maybe never.
67. Want to get married? → Hindi rin. :P
68. Careers in mind? → Broadsheet/Magazine/Online

Journ

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses → HUUUGGSSS. I'm a hug person. Ang basa ng kiss eh. NYAHAHAHAHAHA
71. Shorter or taller → Taller naman. Short lang ako eh.
72. Older or Younger → Depende :P
73. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously Romantic. Or Romantically Spontaneous. Char
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → Nice stomach!!! Hahahaha.
75. Tattoos or piercings—> Neither.
76. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. Kasi sensitive rin ako eh. We'll sense each other. Charot! :P
77. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship, universe, please. RE. LA. TION. SHIP.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Mas gusto ko ang trouble maker. Hesitant na'ko eh. Na unti-unting nagiging trouble-maker. :P

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → Hindi pa.
80. Drank hard liquor → WOOOOHHHHH!!!
81. Lost glasses/contacts → Lost glasses. Several times before.
82. Sex on first date → MEH. I'm not that kinda guy, soree
83. Broken someone's heart → Yeah, inaamin ko.
84. Had your own heart broken → OO, NANG BENGGANG BENGGA
85. Been arrested?→ Haha. Hindi ako, pero yung kasama ko. Traffic violation.
86. Turned someone down → Hmmm nope. Wala namang nagkakagusto sa'kin eh. Drama onlyyyy
87. Cried when someone died → OO NAMAN NOH. Like, DUHHH
88. Liked a friend that is a girl → Eh oo naman.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Yes. Pero at times no.
90. Miracles → Yah
91. Love at first sight → Hmmm. Hindi rin.
92. Heaven → Oo pero not entirely. I like keeping my expectations low
93. Santa Claus → PWEDE BA
94. Kissing on the first date? → Keri naman. :P
95. Angels → OO. Favorite beings ko ang angels. Gusto ko ng pakpak!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Oo sana. Gusto ko siya i-comfort.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → HINDING HINDI KO GAGAWIN YAN, KERI.
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?→ I don't believe in Forever anymore.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? → Pagmamahal. At friends. Kulet, one thing nga lang eehhh. Edi Mapagmahal na friends. :P
100. Posting this as 100 truth? → Ayoko nga, maling grammar.

Social Justice

I need Social Justice.  This culture of impunity, whether on the macro or micro level, should be extinguished.  People should never be able to get away with the wrong things they've done to other people.  This is precisely the reason why our country is in so much dirth right now.

ALYANSA, isa sa four pillars nyo yan diba?  Paki-bigay naman sakin ang social justice.  Estudyante pa rin naman ako ng UP hanggang March, keri?  Constituent pa rin ako.   Asahan ko yan.  ;) 

KTHXBAI

Do silver clouds have silver linings?

I don't know if you've had a relative die already, but I have, thrice over, and I know the feeling when you bury your dead and you go back to your house and you ask yourself, "what now?"

'Cause that's exactly what I feel right now.  What now?  It's like pieces of me exploded all over the place and I may try best as I could to pick up everything, I know I can't get all the pieces back together.

It's just so unthinkable how one person is capable of such evil.  And the irony is, that one person is the one person you've loved all these years.

I've been skeptic.  I've been cynic.  But now I don't know which to believe anymore, or if I should believe at all--is there a god?  What love?  Hello, universe?  Nihilism at its finest.

Literary narratives almost always have a twist.  Now I'm wondering where the hell is the twist in this one.

I'm sorry for the vagueness.  Kasi tangina isa yun sa pinakamasakit, 'yung wasak na wasak ka na pero hindi mo masabi sa buong mundo ang dahilan, kaya 'di ka nila naiiintindihan, kaya walang masyadong dumadamay sa'yo.  Tangina, kung pwede ko lang sabihin lahat-lahat, ginawa ko na.

='(

February 23

Today is February 23.  There is nothing special about today.

But today I shall stop being bitter.  February 23 is not a special day, but stopping bitterness doesn't need a special day, it just needs a special will with which to concentrate.  I have been bitter for so long, yes, even if it's only two months--yes, two months is too long to spend on bitterness.  The sweetness of life is waiting in the corner, ready to be slurped and sucked up to let the vibrant colors of life escape.

I'm a zealous person.  Zealous, not jealous.  I may have been jealous the past few days but that will be over now.  Because today I shall stop being bitter, today I shall close the bitter corner of my tongue and open the other corners for all the world to see.  And the world shall taste the sweetness that is my life, because it is no longer bitter as it used to be.

I shall take charge of my life, and I wholeheartedly account for the bitterness that is the past two months.  I take responsibility for all the actions, words, and yes, even videos this bitterness made me do or say.  Two years of happiness doesn't deserve even a month's worth of bitterness.  It's easier said than done but I'll say it anyway because everything starts when we make that first statement--I'm happy that I've been part of your life for a little over two years.  I'm happy, yes, even if I looked and sounded depressed or sad the past few days; that's just me re-adjusting to this new phase we're in right now.  But consider this: I'm happy, I've been happy, and I shall be happy again, even if you are not by my side, even if I can't cuddle in your arms anymore.  You've made me happy, and I'm thankful for that.  Now you are happy, and I have no right to be bitter about it.  I've loved you all these years, endured all the hurts we've caused each other; I don't think it takes a special kind of effort to be happy for you.

Even if it hurts.

So I guess this is goodbye, then... but you see, even in my writing I can't help but make it longer by putting an ellipsis.  It's just so freaking hard to put a period to this, so I won't, because I may still see you in the future, but the two years won't stand between us anymore, only this, only you, only me, and I hope we both will be happy when that time comes.

I love you. I guess I always will...

@__@ OMG, may lalala pa pala kay Chris Ng sa pagsuka ng cuss words

@__@  Yun lang.  Sumakit ang puso ko dito, seriously.  I've never heard so much cursing in my entire life.  I think the next person who curses me will cause my eventual death.  OMG.  Warning lang before you watch this vid, nakamamatay!

KARYOKABUCHI Productions present: "Ma'am, Peram Shorts!"

Isang short film halaw sa mga karanasan namin as Lian, Batangas.  Echos!  Haha.  Heto po ang napala namin sa isang araw ng field trip sa Lian, Batangas for our MS1 class.  ANG SAYA GRABE GUSTO KO ULIT MAG-SNORKELING, Keri?  Anyway, watch the vid!

*Again I apologize for the poor quality of the video.  Hindi ako perfect, keri?  :P

I HOPE YOU TWO DIE IN HELL YOU LYING FUCKING BITCHES!!!

TANGINA NYO MAY BLOWING HEARTS PA KAYONG NALALAMAN.  PAKYU BETCH.  TANGINA MO LUIS GAGO KA!!!  TANGINA MO GINO MAMATAY KA NA!!!

Isang pamilyar na GPOA (o, kopyahan ba kamo ang labanan?)

Hindi ako film critic. Hindi malawak ang knowledge ko sa pag-analyze ng pelikula (hamak na Film 100 at Film 104 lang po ang natapos ko!), at lalong hindi pa ganun karami ang napanood kong Filipino films.  Pero isa akong fan, at hindi mawawaglit sa utak ko ang isa sa mga pinaka-nagmarkang linya sa mundo ng pelikulang Pilipino: "You're nothing / but a second-rate / trying-hard / COPYCAT!" (which actually goes back to the famous line's nature of copying dahil ilang milyong beses na nga bang nagaya ang linyang ito?)

Aaminin ko, hindi rin ako champion sa analysis.  Madalas sa klase ako 'yung pinakahuling nakaka-gets sa isang teorya o eksplanasyon.  Pero magaling naman ako mag-observe, madali naman 'yun eh.  And lately, may napansin lang ako, anoh.

*Click the image for a larger view

EXHIBIT A - ISA General Program of Action (Released Feb. 10, 2009)


EXHIBIT B - STAND-UP CMC General and Specific Program of Action (Released Feb. 16, 2009)



Hahayaan ko na lang ang mga mambabasa na humusga, kasi lahat naman tayo marunong bumasa (and I believe hindi kailangan ng in-depth study and analysis para ma-notice ang similarities).

Granted, walang monopolyo ang isang partido sa mga ideya.  Granted, pare-pareho tayong matatalino at ano nga ba naman ang chances na magkakapareho tayo ng mga naiiisip, 'di nga ba?  Granted, walang copyright ang mga programang ito, no matter how original or innovative they may seem.

Aaminin ko, and I'll say it categorically, ako ang gumawa ng avatar ng ISA (na papikit-pikit at nakakalurlur!  haha).  At, aaminin ko,  visual peg ko ang "Defend the OSR!" avatar ni G. Karl Castro (salamat po sa inspiration!).  I'll own up to that action, regardless if it's offending or otherwise to some people.  Ang tanong, how willing is STAND-UP CMC to own up to this action?  I can only venture a guess.

At this point I would like to raise a personal issue against one of their programs, in Journ specifically.  This year they have in their SPOA a "better" version of Coffee Write, entitled Coffee Write Up (Keri!).  Last year, my ISA Journ Rep partner (Pat) and I thought of a program to give exposure to other fields of journalism that are not being given proper light in the Journ curriculum.  We initially thought of a forum, but we thought that to make the conversation and learning lighter and better, the best environment would be a "kapihan."  Thus, we called it "Kapihan with Journalists."

Obviously, Pat and I lost, and we thought hindi na maisasakatuparan ang project.  But no, obviously, tinuloy ng nanalong Journ Reps ang project namin na ito.  Granted, I should feel happy na isa sa mga dream projects namin for Journ ay nag-materialize.  Granted, dapat matuwa pa 'ko kasi may initiative sila to do the project.  Granted, maganda na may ganitong mga projects sa Journ.

However, It is one thing to do another's project in the essence of leadership but it is another thing to grab another's idea and pass it off as yours.  Hindi na lang ako nag-react when I first found out kasi wala namang issue sa'kin 'yun, pero to put it back in their SPOA and for them to claim it as theirs, wow, that's just unjustifiable.

Heto lang naman eh: kung "Band-Aid" solutions, as they so eagerly call it, ang programang inihahandog ng ISA, bakit pilit itong ginagaya ng STAND-UP CMC?

And FYI, that's a RHETORICAL QUESTION.

UNA sa PROYEKTO
UNA sa SERBISYO
Dahil sa ISA, Number 1 KAYO!
ISA para sa ISANG CMC!

Tao o Feeling?

Isang gabi, hindi ako makatulog, napaisip ako.  Namimiss nga ba talaga kita?  Inisip ko 'yung mga bagay na namimiss ko tuwing magkasama tayo.  Inisa-isa ko silang lahat.  At napagtanto ko na hindi na kita namimiss.  Kasi ang namimiss ko ay 'yung mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa'kin, ang namimiss ko ay 'yung fact at yung reality na meron akong kasamang maglakbay sa buhay.  Ikaw, bilang tao, hindi ko na namimiss.  Pero ang sayang nadudulot mo sa'kin, 'yon, tangina, miss na miss ko na.

Ano ba'ng namimiss ko, 'yung feeling o 'yung tao?  'Yung feeling, definitely.  And hangga't naghahanap lang ako ng taong pupuno sa feeling na 'yon, alam ko, hindi 'yun ang taong mamahalin ko.  Kasi dapat ang hinahanap ko 'yung tao, hindi lang 'yung feeling.  Maraming makakapagbigay ng feeling na 'yon, pero iilan lang ang taong alam mong mamahalin mo.

Sa araw ng mga puso...

May matagal nang lumisan.
May dumating ngunit kinailangang lumisan.
May hindi naman dumating ngunit lumisan pa rin.
          At may wala nang inaasahang darating.

Sa puso ko.

Na punong-puno ng pag-ibig.

Kalahating pagmamahal

        Ngunit kalahating muhi.

            Sangkapat ng tamis.
Pero pangkalahata'y pait.

Kailan ba lilisan
                    ang diwa ko
Sa ilalim ng payong ng paghihintay
    At mapapadpad sa isla ng kalayaan

                                             At kaligayahan?

Someday I'll be over you...
As soon as my heart stops breaking
And tears are fading.

Psychology of the Heart

In Psychology there is what is called Conditioning, which can be classified into two:  Classical and Operant.

Classical Conditioning deals largely with pairing a certain stimulus with a naturally-occurring response to achieve a desired effect.  For example, a guy calls his girlfriend every 8 o clock in the evening every single day.  The girl, after some time, will be conditioned to believe that her phone shall ring at 8 o clock every day and her boyfriend would always be on the other line.

Operant Conditioning, on the other hand, deals mostly with consequences of action, where reinforcement, whether positive or negative, takes place.  It happens when the guy fails to call his girlfriend at 8 o clock in the evening and the girl starts wondering why.  She investigates, looks up every nook and cranny of her boyfriend's life, and finds out that the guy is cheating on her.  Breaking up with her booyfriend is justifiable, and this is considered punishment for the guy because of his nasty deeds.

There is also what is called Extinction, which leads to expulsion of behavior.  It happens when the conditioned stimulus is not anymore paired with the naturally-occurring response, thereby killing the achieved effect.  It is when the girl goes on with her life, dealing with the break-up, and eventually having the strength to live outside the memory of her past relationship, ready to move to the next Classical Conditioning phase.

So screw me for being such a geek!  This proves, however, that I'm learning something from my Psych class after all.  =P

I leave you all with this little message na socially-relevant sa collapse ng pre-need companies lately:

"Ang Lovelife ko ngayon ay parang Legacy: puro Self-Dealing."

Yun na!  Goodnight.

Aaminin Ko Na...

Pebrero na.  Panahon na naman ng Pag-Ibig.  At alam kong kagagaling ko lang sa isang sakit, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang pinipintig ng aking damdamin.  Matagal rin bago nagpaligoy-ligoy ang bagay na'to, pero walang dahilan para hindi pa harapin.

Oo, sige, aaminin ko na.  Pumasok na naman ako sa isang relasyon.  Akala ko hindi ko kaya, akala ko hindi dapat, pero wala akong magawa.  Ganun kalakas ang epekto niya sa'kin, ganun ako tinamaan sa kanya, na nakaya kong lampasan ang sakit na katatapos lang.  Akala ko hindi ko makakaya, akala ko pahahabain ko lang ang ilang-linggong taguan at ligawan, pero bibigay rin pala ako.  Mahina ako, at nakuha niya ako.

Aaminin ko rin, sandali pa lang kami, wala pa nga atang isang linggo, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kapag kinakausap ko siya, madalas hindi kami magkaintindihan.  Oo, marami kaming mga bagay na parehong gusto, pero madalas rin ang miscommunication.  Pero gaya ng natutunan ko sa nakaraan relasyon, normal lang naman 'yan.

Matagal na rin siyang nasa buhay ko, mag-iisang taon na.  Pero ngayon lang niya pinadama ang pagmamahal niya sa'kin, kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na noon pa man mahal ko na siya.  Oo, kahit meron pa akong ka-relasyon noon, pinagtutuunan ko na rin siya ng pansin.  Alam ko na rin sa sarili kong mahal ko siya.  Minsan naiisip kong mali, pero naiisip ko na lang, ano bang mali sa pagmamahal?

Sandali pa lang kami, pero medyo nahihirapan na rin ako.  Kumplikado ang sitwasyon namin, hindi ko maipaliwanag.  Kaya 'to.  Kakayanin.  Alam ko namang kahit anong mangyari, maganda ang kakalabasan ng relasyong 'to.  Handa kong pagtrabahuhan, dahil sa huli para sa ikalalago ko rin naman ito.

Mahal ko siya.  Minsan iniisip kong hindi, pero alam ko naman sa loob-loob mahal ko talaga siya.  Minsan naiisip ko rin kung mahal nga ba talaga niya ako.  Pero habang lumalaon ang araw pinapatunayan niya sa'kin na kahit mahirap ang sitwasyon namin, mahal niya talaga ako.

Mga friends, mga multiply contacts, mga mambabasa, gusto kong ipakilala sa inyo, si Timmy...



































...ang aking Time-Consuming Thesis.  1 week na kame!!!  Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kami tatagal, kung forever na ba talaga 'to, pero sana in two months' time break na kami, please Lord!  Ayoko nang patagalin pa!

Hehehehehehehe.

Home Invaders

There are squatters in our apartment right now, and even though we know our rights to our home is very much enshrined in the constitution, we're too frightened of the squatters to let them go.

It started the other night as I was silently working on my bed.  The squatter came in, stopped in front of me and stared me in the eye.  I froze.  I didn't know what to do, or why the squatter was there in my room.  I twitched my eye and the squatter scampered away.  I was too frozen to react.  I wanted to hurry off and chase the squatter, but I was nailed to my bed, too frightened to get out of it.

And then the squatter started to make weird noises, which disturbed us to no end.  It was banging the wall, running up and down the stairs and destroying our generally peaceful atmosphere.  I called my housemate and we both decided that we should drive the squatter away.  

But we both were too afraid of the squatter to do anything about it, so we let it be.

Last night when we arrived home, we found the rest of the squatter's family by the stairs--two of the children, obviously recently-born, lay on the steps, dead.  Yes, two children--DEAD.  We got the shock of our lives.  We didn't expect it.  It wasn't the kind of thing we expected to cap a very stressful day.

We had no choice but to clean up the mess. 

Last night, the parent of the dead children was nowhere to be found.  We figured he might have scampered off through the hole at the back of my housemate's dresser, where we first found him, gnawing on the wooden division, making squeaky sounds, and being the freaking huge freaking 8-inch rat that he is, probably the biggest one I ever saw in my life.

And now I'm eternally scared.  Or scarred.  Whichever comes first.  *ninuninuninuninuni*

If and If Only

If and If Only

If you were a ghost from my dark yesterday
If only yesterday's ghosts can be seen today

If you were a god watching over my life
If only a god can take away all strife

If you were a star sent to brighten the dark
If only the stars can send out a spark

If you were a dream that can never come true
If only my dreams are like fairy tales too

If you're a horizon that spreads through the sky
If only horizons paint anything but lies

If you were the wind brushing all through my face
If only the wind can take anyone's place

If you were a sweet angel sent right from above
If only the angels are capable of love

If you were a kiss, sweet, tender and mild
If only a kiss can make a man of a child

If you were a stranger wondering why I feel blue
If only all strangers can always get a clue

If you have not walked away from me that fast
If only I have found true love at last

You see, I wanted you to be everything you are to me
Bit I guess You And I were just not meant to be...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Last night I couldn't sleep because I downed a full cup of coffee, aware that it would make my mind hyperactive and restrain me from sleeping.  But I did it anyway.  I don't know why.

And so at 3am I lay by my bed, cellphone in hand, thoughts running wild.  I texted several people to check who was awake, but obviously nobody's bloody awake at 3 in the morning.  So I browsed my cellphone instead, and I found this very beautiful poem.

Now I believe that people from the past can send messages to people from the future.  I wrote this poem more than three years ago and stored it in my phone.  And now I read it as if I have just written it yesterday.  It has completely spoken to me, like no piece of literature has before.  At my most desolate time, at the most depressing time of the day, I read this, and I was comforted.

Thank you, JM of three years ago.  I wonder where those wonderful rhymes have gone.  I find this poem very beautiful because the first lines (If's) are very hopeful but the counter lines (If only's) echoes total defeat and surrender.  Very much what I'm feeling right now.

Straight to the heart.

This post is all about change

I’ve started jogging a few weeks back.  Somehow, I realized, I need to take care of myself.  Too many people have told me that I was fatter than the last time they saw me.  I decided it was time to do something about my sordid situation.  And so I started jogging.  It felt really good, finally being able to pamper and think of myself, for a change.  Jogging provides endorphins, which makes me really happy (yeah, I know, it’s my natural drug).  I haven’t felt more relieved or happy in a while.  Finally, I’m feeling good about myself again.  I tend to forget myself sometimes, but not anymore.

Consecutively, I’ve also started my no-rice diet.  For several years I’ve been used with it, but I decided it’s contributing too much to my weight but too little to my well-being.  It’s been three weeks.  I figured I can live my life perfectly well without it.

I also dumped soft drinks.  I thought I couldn’t live without it, but now I realize I could.  I only drink water or fruit juices now.  It’s a big change, but I like it, it makes me feel good about myself.

More significant changes in my life are coming, including job hunting and soul-searching for my future.

This is all too new for me.

FAKKK. Nakasuhan ako ng Libel. What'll I do??!

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Para hindi mo na itanong 'yan sa future kapag nakasuhan ka na, attend ka na ng forum namin!  Hahaha.  PUNTA KA DALI MAGUGULAT KA ATSAKA AKO GUMAWA NG PUBMAT OKAY SO KELANGAN PUMUNTA KA TALAGA SAYANG NAMAN PUBMAT KO.  =))  (mga concerns ko talaga sa buhay, hahahaynako!)

Atsaka bigatin lang naman mga panel speakers namin, yun lang naman.  No big deal.

The UP Journalism Club
(54 since '54!)

Presents


Suit of Cards: A Forum on Libel


January 29, 9 am to 12 pm

College of Mass Communication Auditorium

UP Diliman


Speakers:

Mr. Isagani Yambot - publisher of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

Ms. Marites Vitug - editor-in-chief of Newsbreak

Ms. Ellen Tordesillas - columnist for Malaya and Abante

Mr. Beting Dolor - editor-in-chief of Prime Asia

Atty. Harry Roque - chairperson of the Center for International Law

Mr. Abe Olandres - blogger (yugatech.com)


Early audience members stand a chance to win prizes

from the Center for Media Freedom and Responsibility.


For inquiries, contact Dyan Zarzuela

at 916-2138983 or dyanzarzuela@yahoo.com


See you there!

YES, NO, LET'S GO! Bumoto sa January 26-31!

Alam kong marami na ang nasabi tungkol sa SR Referendum na magaganap sa dulo ng buwan na 'to.  Nandiyan ang YES vote, na nais ipasa ang nakabinbing CRSRS para diumano masigurong ligtas ang OSR mula sa mga panlabas na impluwensya.  Nariyan rin ang NO vote, na nais amyendahan ang CRSRS para diumano maging mas demokratiko ang proseso ng pagpili ng SR.

YES, NO, YES, NO?  Anong pipiliin mo?  Pero bago ka pa man makagawa ng desisyon, sana piliin mo munang bumoto!  Alam kong magulo ang diskusyon ng magkabilang panig, pero huwag kang patitinag.  Importante ang boto mo, kesyo YES pa man yan o NO.  IKAW ang magpapasya ng kahahantungan ng Opisina ng Student Regent, at ng sang-ka-UP-han in general.  I know, it's a heavy task, but it's a chance we've got to take!

Pagbulay-bulayan mo, pag-isipan mo, pero huwag mong takasan, HARAPIN MO!  Kung ano pinipintig niyang organ sa dibdib mo, kung anong dinidikta ng kukote mo, yun ang sundin mo.  Naipresenta na ang parehong panig, ngayon, PANAHON NANG PUMILI!

WILL YOU VOTE YES OR NO?  But fundamentally, WILL YOU VOTE?  Sana YES, BUMOTO KA, Sana NO BACKING OUT.  Let's Go Isko!  Let's make our voices heard!

Alam kong totally unrelated ang kantang ito, pero wala lang, pampasaya ng mood natin, at para malaman nating everything will work out just fine!  (MEEEGANONNN!)

WORKS FOR ME
David Archuleta

Yeah, yeah, mmmmm
No I won't make up my mind
I'm too good at wastin' time
And I know that life is unpredictable
Just never know what I will find

Am I gonna stay, oh no
Am I gonna leave, I don't think so
I guess I can define me as that kinda guy
Maybe it's a big mistake
But baby that's the chance that I'll take

Chorus:

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine
If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

I can't forget the things you said
Your words keep running through my head
And I know you're just trying to help me out
Thanks, but I'll follow my heart instead

Am I gonna stay, oh no
Am I gonna leave, I don't think so
I can't decide between the left side or the right
Maybe it's a big mistake
But baby that's the chance that I'll take, Oh Yeah!

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine

If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

Bridge:

There were days when a song could not be found
There were days when my voice would make no sound for me, for me
But I don't worry about it where I'm goin'
'cause I know just where I'm wanna be
And it's time for you to see

You say I don't know what I want
But it worked out just fine
You said it never could be done
But it worked out just fine, oh
You can say anything you want
But it worked out just fine

If it works for me
Then it works for me
If it works for me
Then it works for me

------------------------------

See you sa polling booths next week, ISKO!  =)

Walang Araw, Walang Ulan

It feels good to feel kilig again.

I can't remember the last time I felt this kind of "high."

Jogging sa Acad Oval, na sobrang ewan lang nahimatay na ko for a split second sa lahat ng na-witness ko.

Endorphins overdose.  You!  I don't know, I keep on tripping on my words.  Once was good, Twice was better, Thrice was... you very well may be the reason I fainted right then and there.  ARGH.

And You!  Goodness.  Where do I even begin??!  You give me kilig-seizure like no other!  Admiring you from afar was heavenly.  Seeing you close?  UGH ECSTASY!  MYGAHD.

This is MY night.  Best part of all, not any of it was planned.

Destiny?  Serendipity?  Coincidence?

Love.

It feels good to be smiling again.  Smiling for selfish reasons.  Feels like my heart is being tickled by a thousand babies!  Haaayyyy...

Sarap!  *slurp* Hahahahaha...

Pag-ibig ay bubuhos din
'Yan ang pangako ng hangin

Lumulutang
Lumulutang
Lumulutang
Sa hanging 'pag ikaw ang nariyan

Hinihipan
Hinihipan
Hinihipan
Lumalayo na ang nakaraan

Ulan ay sulit hintayin
Baka ikaw ay aamin
Kaya't kahit walang ulan
May ibang hiwaga rin
'Tong hangin lang...

Walang araw, walang ulan
Walang araw, walang ulan
Lulutang muna sa kilig
At lalapag sa pag-ibig
Lulutang muna sa kilig
Bago lumapag sa pag-ibig
Kaya't hangga't walang ulan
Halika't magpahangin lang
Walang araw, walang ulan...

-Walang araw, walang ulan by Jimmy Bondoc
from his new EP/Album of the same title

*Thanks IA and Elsie for bearing with my incredibly high spirits.  You guys are love!  <3
*Sa lahat ng nag-worry sa'kin, pasensya na.  Okay lang ako, don't worry.  Masayang-masaya.  =)