Love in Between Heaven and Earth
A certain shampoo brand definitely has reason to urge people to go black last Valentine’s Day, and do away with the usual red that symbolizes the occasion. People nowadays are becoming less and less enthusiastic about V-Day, to the extent of going as far as renaming the yearly event to Single Awareness Day or SAD (thus when they greet people, they say “Happy SAD!”, which can get pretty hilarious). Is it because a lot of people refuse to commit, that’s why they’re not engaged in romantic relationships? Or hasn’t fate bidden them well and still hasn’t fulfilled its promise of delivering their one true love?
If we feel the air today, the general atmosphere of love speaks either of singlehood, unrequited love, failed love or forbidden love. Most of the songs that top the charts are melodies of heartache, frustrations and unreciprocated feelings. Is it because it’s true what they say that Filipinos are essentially hopeless romantics? Or are we just too engrossed with the idea that some time, some day, the one that’s meant for us will come for us and knock us off our feet?
We are not at all unfamiliar with the idea of forbidden love. Since time immemorial it has manifested itself in different forms and managed to change throughout the years. We’ve heard of May-December love affairs, extramarital affairs, homosexual relationships, incestuous relationships and the like. There’s something to the idea of “the love that we cannot have” that makes us fall for it even more.
Take Meredith*, for example, who, throughout the years, has fallen in love with one of God’s future servants. Meredith is in love with a seminarian, a man called to God’s service to become a priest. She’s been having this “secret relationship” for quite a while now, even before the man entered the seminary.
“When I learned that he’ll enter the seminary, I was depressed. I did things that I shouldn’t have done because of depression,” she says, saying how it felt to have been broken the news. Despite that, she never tried to force the man not to enter the seminary.
“At some point it was also my dream for him, to be able to fulfill his dreams. I know that he really wanted to be a seminarian,” she narrates. Even if her heart was breaking she didn’t think much of herself, but of what her loved one wanted to do with his life. “I don’t want him to experience what I’m currently experiencing (not being able to do what I want in life),” she continues.
Mae is another young woman who has a relationship with a seminarian. Their relationship has been going strong for four years now, and nothing seems to go their way, not even God’s persistent calling for His son.
“I met him when I was in grade six,” she says. “Sometimes there’s a feeling that you’re at odds with God because you’re literally in competition for a man’s heart. But I’ve never blamed God. I know He has plans and that everything has a purpose.”
Just like Meredith, she never demanded that the man leave the seminary for her. “I’ve never thought of imposing on him. I don’t want to be selfish.” So even though they’re always apart and rarely see each other, she persists in making their relationship stronger. “Of course I always want to be with him, but since he’s inside, I take it as a trial for the both of us.”
Mae is very optimistic about their future together. She’s actually very thankful that the man she loves is a seminarian. “It makes me feel blessed that I'm in love with someone who is very close to God,” she joyfully relates.
People like Mae and Meredith are considered a martyr for choosing to bear the pains of loving a seminarian. But despite the world seemingly looking down on them for choosing to be in a forbidden relationship, they refuse to see it that way. “Personally I don't think it's forbidden. If that's how people call it, it’s fine by me. I think we’re just happy with our relationship so we choose to pursue it. We don't see anything wrong with being happy,” Mae explains.
“If you’re in my situation, you won’t really see it as forbidden. The seminarians are undergoing formation to become a priest, but they don’t necessarily have vows which get broken when they choose to love a woman,” Meredith adds.
Benedict, a junior seminarian who admits that he is in love with a young woman, puts it in another way. “We seminarians are also human beings, we feel, we love. And I believe that this is an integral part of discerning about our vocation, our call to love, to spread God’s love to the world through the sacraments and pastoral care. If we don't know how to love or be loved, how would we be able to fulfil our call? How we have loved and have been loved is the same love that we could give to others, including God.”
But loving someone while discerning to heed God’s call is not as easy as it may sound. While there are a lot of kicks for all the affectionate feelings like the average young couple gets, there are still qualms that Benedict encounters along the way.
“I'm reminded by how powerful a choice is and the consequences of a decision. There is a plethora of feelings that flood into my mind whenever I'm caught in the middle of two extremes. But ironically, I don't feel torn or fragmented, rather, I feel whole, integrated. These moments allow me to examine myself,” he says.
Despite the strong feelings he has for this young woman, Benedict still chooses to pursue his chosen vocation. “Considering the changes in my life, the people I've met and the things that I've learned, I would still choose my life as a seminarian. And I believe that I wouldn't be able appreciate and value her more if not for my seminary formation.”
What’s admirable about these three personalities is the fact that they chose to go on and fight for their love despite the many hurdles they encounter along the way. Many people see the relationships they chose to have as something unexpected by society, but the criticisms they receive didn’t stop them from loving and being loved in return, no matter what the consequences may have been.
If only many of us choose to love the way these people did, to give ourselves no matter what the odds, to brave every single bit of pain and consequence, then there can possibly be no acceptable reason in this world to wear something as desolate as black next Valentine’s Day.
Here's a little trivia for you: when I was waaaay younger (note: meaning a lot more innocent, a lot more naive, and a lot more vulnerable to the influences of the world, just so we're clear), I'm a die-hard fan of Hanson. My very first album, a cassette tape, was of Hanson's first-ever album. I memorized Mmmbop by heart and would blurt it out in our Karaoke all day long.
